


Have Faith

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:01:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23587300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Edelgard found a new trusted ally in Byleth, the professor at Garreg Mach. Her professor supported her ambitions and remained by her side after she declared war on the Church. When Edelgard lost her Professor, she thought she lost the only other person she'd be able to trust. She didn't think anyone in the Black Eagles would remain by her side, lured by the Professor who was merged with the Goddess.Edelgard learns to trust again, little by little.
Relationships: Caspar von Bergliez/Edelgard von Hresvelg, Dorothea Arnault/Edelgard von Hresvelg, Edelgard von Hresvelg/Bernadetta von Varley, Edelgard von Hresvelg/Constance von Nuvelle, Edelgard von Hresvelg/Hubert von Vestra, Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth, Edelgard von Hresvelg/Petra Macneary, Ferdinand von Aegir/Edelgard von Hresvelg, Linhardt von Hevring/Edelgard von Hresvelg
Comments: 28
Kudos: 117





	1. Chapter 1

If things went according to plan, according to what was desired, Edelgard would have still had her Professor. She’d still have someone she could trust with the painful memories of her past, could trust with the _real_ Edelgard, someone to comfort her when she had to tell her classmates about her actions as the Flame Emperor— they deserved to know, really, but trust didn’t come naturally to her no matter how deserving the recipients were. She had only told them what she was not involved with, including Jeralt’s death and Flayn’s kidnapping, not how deep her relationship with those _people_ were. With Byleth, she’d have someone to disprove all the internalized notions that both she and Hubert had about bonds and friendship; _trust no one, no one would accept you. No one could understand you._

But, as Edelgard had learned from her time at the academy, things rarely went according to plan. From her professor being able to wield the Sword of the Creator to being the goddess herself. From the utter unpredictably of her “friends”, those aligned with Thalos’ kind, having only the bare minimum of authority over them needed to prevent them from causing complete disorder at Garreg Mach.

And, as Edelgard had learned since the day she left the kind boy she met in the Kingdom, things never went as desired. Her days trapped underground were- _no,_ she tells herself, before her mind goes far down that tunnel, shaking the thought from her mind. She has made peace with her past, it’s what she tells herself. In truth, she knew that the only matter keeping her from collapsing entirely was the future she envisioned. Without this grand future, without repaying the lives of her siblings and her people that were lost to the grisly experiments conducted, she felt her existence itself would be meaningless.

For now, she rests with her exhausted classmates in the Black Eagles classroom, a place she had enjoyed more than she anticipated. Even Edelgard, who had seen many gruesome and implausible things throughout her life, was wholly confused by the events that just occurred. Rhea had transformed into an ancient beast and had pushed her professor off the cliff whilst in that form. Edelgard had panicked when she realized the vulnerable position the professor was in moments before her fall. Rhea, who was enraged and ached for the professor’s death, and her dear professor that was pushed to the edge of that cliff. Hubert, who Edelgard thought held contempt for the professor, had dread in his eyes when he saw how drastic Byleth’s situation was.

Thankfully, after Byleth fell, Rhea had returned to a human state, fragile from the energy she exhausted transforming. Seteth escorted Rhea off the battlefield, fleeing to wherever they went. There were too many church soldiers left to sensibly chase him, especially because he was riding a wyvern. _His demise will have to be delayed for another day._ Though Edelgard had pronounced war on the church after invading the Holy Tomb, the successful takeover of the monastery by the Empire would be remembered in history as the start of the war.

Selfishly, Edelgard was glad none of the enemies she faced today were the students at the academy, with the exception of Cyril who had fought by Rhea’s side. She was never close to him due to his fidelity to Rhea, but she didn’t want to be the cause of his death. _Was Cyril truly devoted to the Church or was he manipulated by Rhea,_ she wonders. He was only a boy and he didn’t deserve to be dragged into a war. _A war caused by yourself,_ said a part of her mind that was always against her, _that will kill a multitude of boys and girls._

A long yawn interrupts Edelgard’s thoughts. Linhardt had fallen to the ground to nap immediately after she announced that Garreg Mach, for the time being, was safe and unoccupied by any opposition.

Although she was critical of Linhardt’s lack of will to do anything productive, she did like him. His free spirit reminded Edelgard of when she was a child, not in line to inherit the throne and unburdened by duties, and she was truly impressed whenever she was witness to an example of Linhardt using his intelligence. She wished she shared more of his carefree lifestyle. As a result, she was hurt more than she cared to admit when he told her she was a nuisance. Linhardt’s apparent dislike of her played into the views she held about herself no matter how much she tried to ignore it by focusing on the future. Their relationship had felt tense to her since that day.

Linhardt rubs his eyes before standing up, instantly becoming alert as though he just remembered the events that occurred. Caspar, who would usually yell at his closest friend for dozing so frequently, says nothing.

“Where’s…” Linhardt pauses, yawning just one more time before continuing, then returning to his vigilant state again. It would always confound Edelgard, someone who seldom rested, how he could switch from drowsiness to attentiveness at a rapid rate. “Where’s the Professor?”

All the Black Eagle students search the room after this question and they too discover that their teacher was nowhere to be found. The mental fatigue caused by the leading religious figure of Fódlan turning into a figure that wasn’t human rendered her classmates less observant than normal.

“The…” Dorothea wasn’t the most skilled at hiding her emotions. Edelgard could hear the terror in her voice. “Is the professor… dead?”

“That… would be the logical conclusion.” Ferdinand replies, visibly shaking. Edelgard found Ferdinand to be terribly annoying most of the time. Yet, oddly, she liked him as a person. He valued his role as a noble too much, she couldn’t name a day he didn’t go on about his noble obligations. His insistence on challenging her to duels made her more irritable than usual. When the two sat next to each other the second day at Garreg Mach for lunch she knew it would be the last time she willingly placed herself near him, having to see him disturbingly mow down his food when he attempted to challenge her in a food-eating contest.

Despite that, he did have good intentions, as she noticed when he was attempting to form friendship with Dorothea and when he motivated Marrianne, the girl that was always defeatist. He was passionate about justice, a trait she noticed in his chats with Caspar. He was able to acknowledge the flaws of his own father when discussing his future with Byleth. She shouldn’t have been listening to that conversation, but she was too curious. Her opinion on him improved notably that day.

An uncomfortable silence passes through the classroom. Edelgard was too tense to tell her classmates that she saw the professor meet her end. To her convenience, Hubert speaks up.

“The archbishop… shoved the professor off the cliff.” Hubert’s current expression was the most emotional she’s seen her retainer in years. He was actively attempting to remain passive about the situation. The concept of Hubert having emotion raised the eyebrows of Caspar and Ferdinand.

Caspar slams his fist to the table, displeased by the current atmosphere. “Ah, what do you know!” He exclaims. “The professor is the _goddess,_ ” He raises a hand to the air to illustrate his point. _He always opts to be positive,_ Edelgard thinks to herself. “The professor can’t be dead. She’ll just come back!”

Bernadetta, who was cowering under the table, stands up and speaks with an intense voice. “If the professor wasn’t dead, they’d be back by now!” Bernadetta’s outburst put all eyes on her, being uncommon for the girl to speak up. Edelgard was aware of how Count Varley had treated his daughter. Nobles as awful as him added to Edelgard’s motivation to change the world. “There’s no point in—” Stopping herself, she goes back under the table and returns to her typical meek state. “Ugh, stupid Bernie! Ruining everyone’s mood…”

“There is no need for that, Bernadetta. It was a fair statement.” Ferdinand assures the shy girl. It does nothing to relieve Bernadetta’s nerves. The fact that Bernadetta voiced her opinion gave Edelgard the courage to speak herself.

“…I do think there is truth within Caspar’s statement.” After what should be an impossible statement, Edelgard had a feeling that Byleth was alive. “Our professor survived the incident at the Sealed Forest. A fall would be nothing in comparison.” What Edelgard planned to say next pained her. She, who lost her faith long ago, would now put faith in the power of the Goddess once more. “Our professor has the power of the goddess. I find it difficult to believe she’d be faulted by an accident of this nature.”

Edelgard, rational and bold leader of both the Black Eagles and the Empire, supporting a statement that lacked any evidence raised the spirits of her classmates. “That said…”

Without Byleth, Edelgard didn’t think her classmates would remain by her side. Her classmates weren’t as devout as those in the Blue Lion house. Nonetheless, their faith in the professor was near absolute. If Byleth allied with the emperor than surely siding with the Empire had to be the correct decision. Yet, this decision from someone merged with the goddess ended with her death.

“If anyone here wishes to leave, know that you are free to do so.” The mask Edelgard wears so often, the mask she hates, hides the fear of what self-belief would be reaffirmed again if her classmates left her. She’d always have Hubert and she was grateful for him, but that contradictory part of her mind questioned if he’d remain by her side if he wasn’t born into the house specifically made to serve the Emperor. She felt awful about having him as a subordinate, it reminded her of the nobles that’d overtax the commoners to remain rich, but she needed him for her goals. She could only hope he’d find another form of contentment once their task is done; make friends, find new hobbies, perhaps even fall in love. _Hubert marrying someone._ The thought brings her mild humor in her internal conflict.

“How presumptuous of you, Edie.” Dorothea had lost her hat running from Rhea along with her right earring. “We aren’t just here for the professor. We’re also here for you.” The songstress, despite Edelgard not telling her about her insecurities, always understood Edelgard’s, and everyone else’s, sentiments well. She wasn’t the strongest fighter, but Edelgard admired how developed she was socially and emotionally. _Unlike myself,_ she tells herself in mockery.

Petra had been shockingly quiet herself. Edelgard is certain that her courage to speak up came from Dorothea, whom she was close with since they first met. The only commoner and the only foreigner in Black Eagles house; this similar attribute made it inevitable for them to befriend each other.

“I support you, Edelgard, too.” Petra clenches her fist, filled with determination. Edelgard admired this princess that she saw so much of herself in, despite that existing tensions between the Empire and Brigid would prevent the two from becoming very close. “Your… your concern is not needed on me. I will be staying, as the princess of Brigid and the friend of Edelgard. And I am also knowing that your goal is a good one.”

For the second time, an interruption is caused by a yawn. Linhardt has woken from his nap an extra time. “I did say I joined because opposing you would be more effort than it’s worth. However, I am favorable of your envisioned future, if only because those troublesome nobles can finally shut up.” His eyes become half-lidded again, warning that he was soon to have another nap. “And I like you, I suppose.” He slumps, heading back to the world of dreams.

“Lin… no one needs sleep _this_ much.” Dorothea looks down on Linhardt, who has fallen to the ground shamelessly, and lets out a sigh.

“I have attempted to improve his constitution, but he always runs away.” Ferdinand adds, shaking his head. “I must say, the amount of time he can devote to sleeping is almost admirable.”

“Seriously, I wish he’d use that time sleeping to train.” Caspar’s face is one of disappointment. Petra starts a comment but Hubert halts further conversing on the current subject.

“This topic is trivial to the current matter at hand.” Hubert folds his arms and tilts his head slightly downward to establish an authoritative presence. “What is important is that you’re all here to fight for Her Majesty, correct?”

“Yeah!” Caspar pumps his fist, eagerly announcing his allegiance to Edelgard. He had told the heir he planned to fight for her after graduation from Garreg Mach, but Edelgard didn’t think he’d hold true to this statement.

“We have much to discuss, Edelgard, about the nobility-“ Edelgard can feel her ears grate hearing the word come from him for the hundredth time, “-and my father. But, for the time being, my allegiance is yours.”

“You have my gratitude.” Hubert bows to him. Ferdinand’s eyes widen at the gesture.

“I have yet to receive gratitude from you. I am not sure I like it.” Ferdinand rubs the back of his neck awkwardly to unnerve himself.

“Tch. One would think you’d appreciate my gratitude given our previous combative prattles.” He shakes his head, dropping the topic. “Bernadetta?” She had yet to express an opinion on siding with Edelgard without the professor.

“Ah!” Bernadetta squeaks, jumping back from being called upon unexpectedly. “Um, well… Lady Edelgard isn’t that scary. She’s… kind.” Bernadetta is in a slightly more calmed state. How Bernadetta could swing through various emotional states swiftly fascinated Edelgard almost as much as Linhardt’s constant desire to sleep. Being the Emperor meant that her emotions always had to be stabilized. “And, all my friends are here, so…”

Edelgard had to fight back a smile. She hadn’t expected anyone to remain by her side, certainly not everyone. She had been called many things, but never kind. In fact, she—

“Excellent! Now, I must challenge you to a duel.” Ferdinand holds a hand to his hip cockily. “I have been honing my grace in armor so that I may challenge and surpass you.”

“Ferdie, the absolute last thing anyone wants right now is to be challenged to a duel.” Dorothea speaks to Ferdinand with genuine concern, not the distaste Edelgard had witnessed from her during their academy days.

“Ooh, a good brawl! Exactly what I need.” Caspar exclaims with thorough enthusiasm. “Go on ahead, duel it out.”

“Caspar, the word ‘brawl’ might be too aggressive to be used for this scenario.” Linhardt, awakened by the increasing racket, tries to reason with his friend but Caspar has become too exhilarated.

“A b-brawl? What if… what if the whole building gets burnt down?!” Bernadetta’s voice becomes squeakier with every word, highlighting her increasing anxiousness.

“I am not so ignoble to resort to the usage of fire, Bernadetta.” Ferdinand answers, his voice growing more arrogant.

“I am of the thought, ah, I am thinking that everyone should be calming down.” Petra attempts to control the room. It is futile; the room has sparked into its usual commotion unique to the Black Eagles. Edelgard had trouble controlling the class in the past. She still did now.

Hubert chuckles. “Fools. All of them.” His words are harsh, yet the smile on his face and the amused tone of his voice says that he finds the antics of his classmates charming.

Edelgard lets a smile to arise on her face, a small laugh coming with it. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I know I expanded on Edelgard's dynamic with Ferdinand and Linhardt early on, but I needed to establish that she likes everyone in Black Eagles, including the two that can get on her last nerve.
> 
> I also wanted to add the dynamics of the Black Eagles as a class. They're idiots, but they are wholesome.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a hint: The character pairings listed will appear (mostly) in the order they are tagged.

It had only been about a month into the war, and Edelgard was sapped from it.

She had managed to finally stop the Kingdom from hosting any noteworthy invasions on the monastery for the time being. She wasn’t particularly concerned about the Alliance at the moment, which was having an internal war over whether or not to join the Empire. She did plan to take advantage of this conflict, but that would first require having a significant foothold in the Alliance.

It would be quite easy to allow her soldiers to use the crest stones. Let Those Who Slither in the Dark—she wished Hubert didn’t give them such a long nickname— perform their malicious schemes upon the Kingdom and the Alliance. It would make this war end more swiftly. Except, her classmates explicitly told her no when she suggested the idea to them a few weeks into the war. So, she wouldn’t. Her classmates had put a lot of trust into an Emperor that scarcely offered trust. The least she could do was listen to their advice.

Dorothea, never one for fighting and sensitive to the violence of war, opted to defend the monastery. She refused to fight on the borders of the Kingdom and Alliance, where most of the violence occurred and where the most skilled of enemies would be placed. This positioning naturally left Dorothea more time than other troops to take part in other activities. Recently, she started helping children who were homeless.

“Edie!” Dorothea exclaims, hugging the emperor who sat at her desk with a load of paperwork. The sudden action causes Edelgard to jump, dropping her quill on the ground. Edelgard was so fixated on her work that she hadn’t noticed Dorothea open the door and run over to where she was seated.

“I told Hubert to not let anyone visit my room.” Edelgard sighs. She knew one of her friends would find issue with her conducting work and nothing else. The sentiment touched her, but she had to prioritize duty over emotion. _I’ll have to lock my door, then._

“Oh, I just sang a little melody to Hubie. It was enough to make him back off.” Dorothea hasn’t stopped hugging Edelgard, and Edelgard finds that she doesn’t mind after fearing touch for so long.

“You assembled a song about Hubert?” Edelgard mutters in disbelief. She remembered, just a few months ago, when Dorothea had created a song praising the princess and sang it to all who were present in the Dining Hall. It was the most embarrassing moment of her life, more embarrassing than when she had admitted to that flirty boy that was friends with the Kingdom noble that she had a crush on the noble, who then proceeded to tell her uncle that teased her about it for weeks. He never told the noble boy himself, thankfully.

“Yep! I can sing it to you, if you’d like.” The songstress suggests teasingly. Edelgard knows that she’s being taunted and feels herself become flustered. _Admittedly, she’s quite talented at pulling strings, my own included._

“I’ll pass.” Edelgard refuses hastily. Dorothea giggles in response, removing herself from Edelgard. “I assume you came here for purposes other than riling me up.”

Dorothea nods, her face returning to the default smile she always wore. “I can’t stand you being cooped up in here all the time. I wanted to take you out.”

“Dorothea…” An outing with Dorothea did sound… fun. However, for Edelgard, fun was secondary to her responsibilities. “I appreciate the invitation, but I must—”

“Edie,” Dorothea repeats. Edelgard hasn’t been referred to by nickname for years. The usage of one by Dorothea made Edelgard feel more attached to her and more likely to concede to her requests. “You’re stressed. I can tell.”

Silence passes, Edelgard not realizing she was supposed to respond. “…True.”

“Then come along with me.” The emotion in her voice was apparent. She wore a smile, but her voice and eyes told Edelgard that she was distressed. _For me._

“What have you planned for this outing?” Edelgard questions. Dorothea had always been friendly towards her, but she had yet to be invited to one of Dorothea’s many city trips.

“I was planning on introducing the orphans to the emperor of Adrestia.” Dorothea’s genuine smile returned, and she clasps her hands together.

“…Would that be a good idea?” _The children are aware that I, the Emperor of Adrestia, started this war. Are they?_

“Of course! They’re excited to meet you. I told them about the future you’re aiming for.” She takes Edelgard’s hand and squeezes it.

While Edelgard was grateful Dorothea believed heavily in her plans for Fódlan, she felt a pang of uncertainty at meeting the orphans. Edelgard had no talent in handling children. However, if it’d please Dorothea….

“I accept. Please, lead the way.”

**∞**

The orphans were kept in a home close to the monastery. A part of Edelgard feared that armies opposing the Empire may target those orphans as a way to lower Imperial morale. _Would they?_ She shakes the thought from her mind. Her thoughts tended to consider horrid options.

The orphans were elated to see Dorothea, fighting over who got to hug the most of her. Dorothea finds their actions amusing, holding a hand to her mouth as she giggles at it. Edelgard feels no need to appear stern, laughing at the childlike behavior. It reminded her of when her many siblings— she stops that train of thought, focusing entirely on the present for the time being.

“You’re all just adorable.” Dorothea beams, rubbing the hair of a boy that had blonde, straight hair.

“Your dress is pretty!” Compliments that same boy. Dorothea was very into fashion and recently invested into a red dress that would complement her features. She had lost most of her clothing after the Empire invaded the monastery just a month ago. She had also told Edelgard that she was trying to grow her hair longer.

Dorothea had been called beautiful and other variants many times by nobles, and her smiles in response were always artificial. This time, her outfit being referred to as “pretty” by a young boy brought a true smile to her. “Thank you.”

“Is the lady by you Ed… Edel…” A girl with black hair and freckles attempts to pronounce Edelgard’s name.

“Just call her Edie. It’s what I call her.” Dorothea advises, placing an arm on Edelgard’s shoulder. That interaction proved to Edelgard that Dorothea had planned this in advance. “Cute, don’t you think?”

Edelgard reddens immediately. She had been called cute multiple times by nobles, by commoners, and even by Ferdinand. The emperor put much effort into being as intimidating as possible, only it all to be ruined by the insult of being called “cute”. She quickly replaces her blush with a frown. “I am not cu—“

“She’s kinda short.” Spoke a blunt brunette boy. He looked like he could be eight or ten. This boy was a child, yet he was taller than her. Edelgard suppresses the urge to sigh. Dorothea notices her frustration and can only smile.

“Will you get rid of the crests?” Asks a girl with purple hair.

“As close as I can get to that.” Edelgard replies, and the girl beams. _She must have a very troubling childhood to already feel so strongly about the matter._ “Everyone, regardless of class, will be free to succeed by their own merits. I won’t allow success to be purely hereditary.”

“Merits?” Questions the girl who asked about the crests. “He… hereditary? What do those words mean?”

“Edie, you can’t use such big words.” Dorothea teases, winking at her. “They’re only children.”

“I’m… not very good with children.” Edelgard admits in a low voice to Dorothea. Their view on life, which was more simplistic in nature, couldn’t connect to how overcomplicated Edelgard’s life was.

“I think you’re doing just fine.” How supportive the songstress was, combined with the lighthearted tone, could ease Edelgard of her worries. _Whoever Dorothea marries will certainly have strong emotional support._

“The crests… won’t be able to hurt you.” Edelgard rephrases. The young girl smiles in response. A few other kids, like the redhead and the freckled girl, were very pleased by this. Dorothea’s eyes glint in understanding.

“Can we play with Edie?” Asked the brunette boy, the same one that pointed out Edelgard’s height earlier.

Dorothea laughs again. Edelgard suspects that this may be the happiest Dorothea was since the war started. “If you don’t mind me joining.”

**∞**

Playing with the children had been, to the Emperor’s surprise, enjoyable.

She had read books to the orphans and played “catch” with them. To anyone else, the image of the Emperor engaging in children’s activities would be outrageous if not laughable. Dorothea wasn’t “anyone else”. Somehow, Dorothea had always understood Edelgard’s worries without knowing the context behind it.

For the time being, Edelgard and Dorothea simply watched the children play with each other, ensuring they didn’t wander too far or cause injuries. _Maybe…_

“You were right, Dorothea.” Edelgard affirms.

“Hm?” Dorothea turns to face her, brushing hair strands away from her eyes.

“It would have been detrimental long-term for me to continue in the state I was. Thank you for convincing me to have a break. I will do so more often.” _Maybe, I can trust her,_ Edelgard wonders.

“You always speak so formal.” Dorothea’s voice holds no positive or negative connotation, it is simply an observation. “Don’t thank me, Edie. You deserved it.”

A comfortable silence ensues afterward. Hubert would criticize Edelgard later for dallying when she could have been doing paperwork. This fact was meaningless to her for now.

“Edie, do you plan to have heirs?” Dorothea queries at random. “Not to continue the Hresvelg line, but… because you want to.”

Edelgard never considered having children for the purpose of self-fulfillment and ponders the question for a few minutes before answering. Most would become impatient waiting so long for an answer, Edelgard included, but Dorothea understood the gravity of that question for an Emperor such as herself.

“No.”

Dorothea’s gaze asked Edelgard _why?_

“Any child I bore would inevitably have a significant social advantage. Much as I would like to say the privilege of the nobility and selfish crest-bearers would be no more after this war, it may be a century at most before that privilege is completely removed.” She holds a hand to her chin, considering the rest of her response. “My ideal society would include no crests at all. I would rather not risk passing down my crest of Seiros if I had a child.” _Or my Crest of Flames._

“Well, you can’t tell all the crest-bearing nobles to not have children.” Dorothea attests. “Though, the nobility would be less eager to breed only for crests in the future you’re building.”

“I would not propose a solution so radical.” Edelgard shakes her head, both her and Dorothea’s tones becoming more serious. “The importance of the crest I bear is secondary only to the Professor’s Crest of Flames, which is more reasoning as to why my crest should be among the first to fade. As you suggested, a society not dependent on crests to function will result in most crests fading out swiftly.” Edelgard looks away from Dorothea, deciding to look at the children once more. The two had forgot to watch them amidst their conversation. “This perspective applies precisely to crest bearers in the Kingdom, whose ability to produce heirs bearing crests is weakening more rapidly than nobles in the Empire and Alliance.”

 _Rhea can pass down the Crest of Seiros too._ Edelgard briefly considers this idea before dismissing it. She’d be flabbergasted if Rhea decided to have a child. And, from the nonexistent knowledge she had on dragon fertility, surely she wouldn’t be able to have children after… however long she was alive.

Dorothea nods solemnly. From her reaction, Edelgard knew that her friend was dismayed that the chaos would not end with the war. There was much to consider: how to readjust the economy, what to do about the prideful Kingdom nobles that would be outraged if made part of Adrestia, restructuring the Church…

“If I do desire children in the future, I would adopt war orphans.” Edelgard looks to the ceiling, wondering if she could fit that into her future. “To lose family… I can understand that.”

“…I see.” Dorothea is curious what Edelgard means by ‘losing family’ but does not pry. “You’re… a very selfless person, Edie. And, what you said about not having heirs…” Dorothea’s expression is overjoyed. “Well, it made me happy.”

“Why is that?” Edelgard looks to Dorothea again.

“No reason at all, Edie.” Dorothea’s face is accompanied by a blush. “No reason at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I wonder what Dorothea was happy about. I'm writing each pairing so it can be read both platonic and romantic. So Edelgard's going to have a love octagon by the end.
> 
> Writing the children's dialogue was very difficult for me. I lack ideas about parent/child dynamics. I probably won't attempt to write children again, but it was fun to briefly experiment with. I wouldn’t say I dislike kids, they’re sweet sometimes, but I generally have a neutral-leaning-negative opinion on them.
> 
> I explored why a child bearing the Crest of Seiros would be problematic for the world Edelgard wants to create, but I also think it would be sweet for Edelgard to form a familial bond based on shared suffering. Edelgard needs someone who understands her above all else. People who also lost their family at young ages could serve that role for her.
> 
> I'm debating whether or not I should add Constance. On one hand, I want an excuse to write "OHOHOHO" but on the other hand I'm not sure I understand her well enough to describe her dynamic with Edelgard.


	3. Chapter 3

A second month into the war left Edelgard with more energy than she had last month, but she lacked energy nonetheless.

Nothing was happening. It made her fret more than when the Kingdom and Church had insistently attacked the monastery. In that circumstance, at least she did know what the Kingdom and Church were doing. A few foolhardy Kingdom troops did attempt to retake the monastery with not many troops or all by themselves, but the minor invasions hardly ever resulted in the death of one of her own troops. She did have a few of her strongest soldiers situated at the monastery in case someone like Catherine managed to sneak her way in undetected yet defending the monastery did not hold dominance in her list of concerns.

The imperial troops that were fighting the Kingdom made _some_ progress, fully occupying the previously neutral land roughly between Arundel and the Western Church. It wasn’t enough to relieve Edelgard. The only new information she was provided was Dimitri officially proclaiming his nation’s fealty to the church. That information was useless; it was apparent early in the war they’d become close allies.

Edelgard had asked Dorothea to capture one of those Kingdom soldiers, subdue them, and bring them to the throne room for questioning. Dorothea had said _“No, Edie, that’s immoral.”_

 _…How much do I care about morality in the middle of a war?_ Because Dorothea was her friend, Edelgard heeded the opinion anyway. _No doubt my other classmates would agree with Dorothea._

Edelgard initially wasn’t concerned about the Alliance, expecting their civil war to be their downfall. Strangely enough, they were able to cooperate enough to sufficiently defend their borders. She doubted this was the result of the people of the Alliance, but rather the leadership of Claude. Once more, the emperor is unable to successfully gauge Claude’s abilities. That man was the least predictable person she’s met in her life. His unpredictability agonized Edelgard more than the Kingdom’s sudden silence.

Bernadetta had bravely decided to fight on the front lines at the border of the Alliance. She was a talented fighter, her skill with the bow near faultless and her agility making her tricky to hit. It was illness that forced her back to the monastery, a sudden fever. The archer recovered quickly after returning but was advised by the Emperor to defend the monastery for the remainder of the month.

Taking breaks, as Dorothea suggested, made her workload seem less tedious. She and Bernadetta hadn’t spent much time together since the archer left to invade the Alliance. _Where would she be,_ Edelgard questions, standing up to leave behind her paperwork to find her timid friend.

 _The greenhouse,_ she concludes.

**∞**

As Edelgard approaches the greenhouse, she’s greeted by the pleasant sound of Bernadetta’s singing and the tapping of her shoes as she dances. During a time of great change, Bernadetta’s odd hobbies staying the same brought Edelgard brief repose.

“Bernadetta?” Edelgard calls out to her before entering the greenhouse. She knows it’s best to announce her presence before entering. The girl would have been beyond embarrassed if she knew Edelgard saw her singing.

“Who is it?!” Bernadetta’s voice had deepened somewhat, but the franticness present in a shy girl remained. “Oh, Lady Edelgard!” The relief and glee present inflicted in her tone gave Edelgard reason for a small smile. It made the Emperor believe that her friends liked _Edelgard_ for being _Edelgard_. _Almost._

Edelgard walks into the greenhouse, bashful about how utterly pleased Bernadetta looked to see her. _Wait…_

Edelgard tilts her head slightly up. _Did Bernadetta grow taller than me?_ She ignores the thoughts that consistently antagonize herself, those thoughts now highlighting the irony of Bernadetta of all people having a growth spurt.

“It pleases me to see you, Bernadetta.” Says Edelgard, truthfully. She looks to the side, noticing a small table with three chairs near the right side of the greenhouse. On that table laid papers, lead, ink, and quill. Edelgard hadn’t ordered anyone to place more tables at the monastery but it was a harmless issue.

Bernadetta’s new appearance conveyed that she was taking better care of itself. She switched her monastery clothes for even lighter clothing that matched her appearance and agility. She also straightened her hair, letting it flow freely.

Edelgard didn’t dislike her own new outfit. It did look intimidating, and Edelgard wanted to appear intimidating for reasons other than to wear that mask she hated. She hated being undermined and she couldn’t walk around unarmored when commanding an army.

Still, not being able to wear the academy uniform she grew to adore added to the things she couldn’t get back. Her childlike innocence, her natural trust, her academic pursuits…

“I’m pleased to see you too, Lady Edelgard!” Bernadetta’s smile brings Edelgard great joy, enough to shake the Emperor from her thoughts, and it’s easy to forget the ravaging world outside the monastery. “Claude showed up before I got sick. It was _really_ scary.”

Bernadetta’s face contrasts her words. To Edelgard, her face seemed strangely elated when discussing an encounter with an enemy as adept as Claude. Sometimes, when Bernadetta made one of her many cries about being spared from death or anger, she’d wear a smile as though the thought excited her, like she got some sort of euphoria from it. Bernadetta was difficult to understand, but the Emperor was starting to understand her thought process, albeit very slowly.

“ _Claude?_ ” Edelgard, flabbergasted, holds her mouth open in shock. Her own troops have yet to tell her that they’ve seen Claude and lived to tell the tale.

“He didn’t do anything!” Bernadetta replies hurriedly, interpreting Edelgard’s shocked tone as disquiet. “He told some people to leave. I think he was attempting to save a friend. Oh, what was her name? If only I weren’t such a recluse…”

 _Hilda._ That girl and Claude were close friends. The first day they met an instant connection sparked. Edelgard had devoted some time to watching Claude her first days at the monastery, suspicious of his dubious background, skeptical about his intentions, and having enough free time then to watch the behavior of her classmates. She was obsessed with the future back then, evaluating everyone based on how much use they’d be to her ambitions. _As though I’m not obsessed now._ Eventually, that turned into her caring about her classmates.

If she could redo her first days at Garreg Mach, she would have paid attention to Dimitri instead. His concern for her felt familial. There was no reason she could think of for him to feel that way, considering their chats were always stiff and frequently ended in arguments. She couldn’t say that he was extending his worry to form bonds between the future leaders as Dimitri was hostile toward Claude due to his lack of “honor” or “pride”. Her distrust about Claude’s intentions turned out to be mostly unwarranted, even if he acted in a manner that made him difficult to trust.

_Perhaps, if I could go back in time, I could understand Dimitri._

“In any case, it pleases me that you are safe.” Edelgard speaks in a softer tone in hope of steering Bernadetta off her path of often destructive thoughts. The girl had become less insecure, but it would take time before Edelgard could assuredly call her confident.

Edelgard looks to the table to change the topic. She could entertain these hypotheticals about Claude and Dimitri another time. “Were you drawing before I arrived here?”

“Huh?” Bernadetta stares blankly at her, forgetting what she was doing prior. She turns around to the sight of her artistic materials. “Oh yeah, I was drawing a portrait of— “ Bernadetta stops herself mid-sentence. “O-of a… plant! Yeah!”

It’s obvious to Edelgard that Bernadetta is lying, but she knows better than to probe. “May I ask that you teach me to draw a portrait of a person?”

“That sounds fun!” Bernadetta agrees.

Having a friend that delighted in sharing their hobbies with her brought Edelgard a bliss she did not think she’d know again since her time under the palace.

**∞**

“So,” Bernadetta had given Edelgard a lead, which would allow her to more easily trace over imperfections. Bernadetta was skilled enough to use the quill but she had opted to use a lead herself for demonstration purposes. “Draw a straight line.”

Edelgard had feared making a fool of herself in this activity. The only purpose she had for paper and writing was to sign and write paperwork, never for self-expression. Bernadetta was a gentle girl, making Edelgard’s fears seem irrational. Perhaps the irrationality of fears was what made them so common.

Wasting no time, the Emperor draws downward. Her line wasn’t as straight as Bernadetta’s, but it was passable.

“On that line, draw a smaller line across where the chin is gonna be.” When Edelgard had completed that task, Bernadetta praised her. “Perfect! Now, draw little tick marks in the middle of your first line on the left and right.”

 _This isn’t as difficult as expected,_ Edelgard thinks. When she had asked Bernadetta to teach her, she expected the end result to be catastrophic. The one and only time she attempted a portrait was when she tried to draw her father when she was a child. The portrait looked nothing like him.

“Now, just connect the tick at the bottom to the ticks on the left and right.” Bernadetta demonstrates, and Edelgard pays close attention. She draws to the left first, her line straightening when approaching the middle of the left tick mark. A bit after she passed the tick mark, her line curves to the right until it intersects with the straight line. Her line then curves back down, the top of her drawing resembling a half-circle, and repeats the process of connecting lines and tick marks.

Edelgard replicates Bernadetta’s technique. The jaw was less sharp, and the forehead was a tad smaller, but the result was decent.

“Put the nose here,” Bernadetta draws an arc.

Edelgard realizes, suddenly, after she drew the arc, that she’s never seen Bernadetta as assured as she is now.

_Maybe, after the war, Bernadetta can build her confidence through creative arts._

This realization had struck Edelgard so, not paying attention to how Bernadetta drew the lining between the lips. She does the best she can with only the result to look at, drawing a line with a few dents and tiny half-ribbons at the end. She scribbles in the holes left by these openings.

Lastly, Bernadetta draws the lips. She starts with the top lip, making a little angle in middle of it at the top, and then connects the bottom lip to the completed top lip. Carefully, Edelgard draws the top lip, and draws the bottom lip more quickly.

“You’re a natural!” Bernadetta praises, raising both of her fists up and down and cheer.

“…Are you not going to teach me how to draw the eyes?” Edelgard’s tone was curious. Once it was said, Edelgard anticipated a poor response.

“That might be above your skill level right now.” Bernadetta panics, likely criticizing herself for the “insensitive” statement. “I mean! You’re talented at many things, Lady Edelgard— “

“No, your statement had truth to it.” Edelgard holds a hand up, ceasing Bernadetta’s rambling. “And… you could call me just Edelgard.”

“But… I, um, I don’t know. Doesn’t Hubert call you Your Majesty?”

“That… forget Hubert for the moment.” Her relationship with Hubert was a separate matter entirely. She cared for him, truly. Yet, Hubert insisted that he’d always serve her needs, never the reverse. _Our relationship feels… one-sided,_ she concludes. _And Hubert is a stubborn man._

“I cherish you, Bernadetta. I wish for you to refer to me as someone close to me would.” Edelgard looks directly into Bernadetta’s eyes, making eye-contact. Bravely, the girl doesn’t cower away.

“O-okay… Edelgard.” The taller girl says her name like she’s trialing it. She wears a small smile when she decides she likes it.

Edelgard didn’t think she and Bernadetta had many similarities. Bernadetta was emotional and empathetic, while Edelgard was desensitized and detached. The world had caused Bernadetta’s emotions to be evident, while the world had caused Edelgard’s emotions to be disguised.

What the two had in common was how their behaviors were misinterpreted and caused them to, intentionally and unintentionally, push people away. That, to Edelgard, made them much more alike than unalike.

“Bernadetta,” The contradictory part of Edelgard’s mind speaks again, _only bad things will happen when you trust_. “I think we have much in common.”

“Eh?” Bernadetta didn’t seem opposed to the idea, just confused. From an outsider’s perspective, the two of them must be different in every way.

“Both of our behaviors keep others from knowing our _real_ selves.” To most, Bernadetta was a disorganized girl with antisocial tendencies. To most, Edelgard was a ruthless leader— or foe— that lacked any compassion. “…I have suffered due to the nobility myself.”

Bernadetta doesn’t respond immediately. _Have I said too much?_

“Edelgard, you’re like a carnivorous plant.” Bernadetta giggles.

“…A carnivorous plant?” Edelgard restates, her eyes widening in bafflement by the comparison. She’d been called many things, both good and bad, but never anything as perplexing as a carnivorous plant.

“You seem scary from a first glance, but you’re sweet! No matter the result, your intention is always to help people.” Bernadetta’s voice is passionate, defying how utmost _ridiculous_ her comparison sounded.

Carnivorous plants did keep more bugs from invading homes, but their intention was survival _,_ not a desire to be helpful. Notwithstanding, Edelgard didn’t want to disrespect Bernadetta’s fascination with these plants and she wanted the entertain the topic.

“I, a carnivorous plant, help people by _eating_ them?” Her lips raise in light humor and she fights the urge to laugh.

“You only try to eat the bad guys. You eat some of the good guys on accident but, ah, you know what I mean, right?” Her last sentence is statement rather than a question as she moves on without waiting for a response. “And, without all the teeth, you’re cute and nice. Like a carnivorous plant…”

Edelgard blinks, not having a reply to that. _Is she comparing the mask I wear to the teeth on a carnivorous plant?_

“Cute?” Edelgard doesn’t find offense at the word itself, more-so amusement that Bernadetta referred to the plants by that word. _She is quite an eccentric girl._

_…I suppose there are worse things I could be compared to._

“N-not…” Bernadetta starts to backpedal, thinking she upset Edelgard, but finds no words to say. Edelgard shakes her head and chuckles lightly.

“Heh, you have nothing to apologize for.” Edelgard gets up, pushing the brown chair back in. “…You are rather cute yourself.” The informal word feels… _weird_ for Edelgard to say.

“O-oh…” Bernadetta, who was easily flustered, stares down at the table with a heavy blush. “Edelgard, what I was drawing earlier… it wasn’t a plant. It was a portrait of you _._ ” She whispers, her voice soft and faintly unsteady.

“I’m glad.” Edelgard, feeling a little flattered, lightly blushes. She was happy Bernadetta liked her enough to draw her, but it was _embarrassing_. “Can I see it?”

“It’s not done yet. But when it is…” Bernadetta has a sudden splurge of energy and her voice raises to match her enthusiasm. “Don’t show anyone else! I only want you to see it!”

“I can abide by that wish.” Edelgard puts the lead back into the cup Bernadetta set with other writing utensils. “Very well then. When you are finished with your portrait, I will ensure that no one else knows of it.”

Bernadetta holds her hands to her chest and looks up at Edelgard. “Hehe, it’s for your eyes only!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to cross-post on Fanfiction.net but then realized I have no clue how the site works.
> 
> When I started to write about the carnivorous plants, I halted what I was doing and looked up videos of bugs being caught in flytraps. It was satisfying. Especially when larger bugs got trapped in there. Flytraps are now my favorite plant.
> 
> That aside, thanks for your time. My goal for this was at least 25-30 kudos and I'm glad I got it. So, thanks again if you did leave kudos!


	4. Chapter 4

Garland Moon takes precedence so far for Edelgard’s least favorite month in the war, and she hasn’t reached the end of the month yet.

Prior to declaring war on the church, she had her sickly father escorted to modest home near a lake in Hevring. The man over Hevring territory was kind enough to keep her father a secret. The home was detached enough from other events to not be found by scouts sent by the church _. Not that the scouts would have reason to go into Hevring territory_. Enbarr and Garreg Mach were much more valuable areas when scrounging for information.

Edelgard and her father communicated through letters. His letters were the only papers she found more vital than the papers offering to lend troops and military equipment, the papers from nobles who’d write their propositions confusingly in attempt to have the Emperor misinterpret their request and sign it, all things related to the war. They’d discuss the war and he’d offer his own advice based on experience. She’d discuss her stress and he would write about his support and belief in her. They’d discuss their family and what they missed about them. Her father did have a few consorts that were alive, but he cared for none of them and they didn’t care for him. They were all arranged marriages, things he was forced into due to his passivity when he was a young man and his acceptance of how awful the world was. He praised his daughter for actively challenging the wrongs of the world in those letters.

It was a miracle he lived as long as he did. When she last saw him, he was on the verge of death, both physically and mentally. She hasn’t seen him smile in years and he couldn’t walk without the help of servants. The Imperial nobles, knowing they played a role in making the sad man her father is today, insisted that he create more heirs. His daughter being the singular heir made her death more dangerous to the “stable” state of the Empire. If she fell, turmoil would circulate in Adrestia. _If Those Who Slither in the Dark decided to not impersonate me after my death._ He never gave a direct response to those nobles, but he told Edelgard he had no intention of following their requests. He wasn’t selfish enough to leave a child without a father. On the low probability he recovered from illness, no child would be able to replace the ones he lost. He admitted in his letters he wouldn’t be able to love any new children he produced.

On the third day of the Garland Moon, she had been informed by his servants that he passed away. She’d never lash out at anyone, she had too much control over her words for that to occur. But, to herself, she complained much more. When she was not obsessively doing paperwork to distract herself from the loss of her father, her thoughts were about how much she hated the world around her. Her inability to figure out what the Kingdom and Church were plotting, her obliviousness on how Claude was holding his nation together, why her father had to die on this month. _Of course he dies the moon I was born on._

For once, Edelgard allows herself to be motivated by anger. And, for once, that contradictory part of her mind doesn’t insist on contradicting her.

Edelgard was attuned with moving forward even when faced with death. After coping with the death of her ten siblings consecutively, the intense pain that came with it was easy to neutralize.

A knock on the door halts Edelgard’s work. “Name yourself.” She demands. The replying voice belongs to Hubert. She lets him in.

“Your Majesty,” He bows afterward. He still wore his academy uniform. She could only ponder why; asking him would result in an incomplete answer. He never intentionally told her about himself. “Your presence has been requested.”

“What for, Hubert?” She asks. Edelgard wasn’t in a mood to have a conference with another _annoying_ noble that made _everything_ more complicated and _dragged-out_ than it needed to be. _“Such are the burdens of the Emperor,”_ is what Hubert would say.

“That is for you to see for yourself.” He replies, only vaguely answering her question.

 _It’s unlike Hubert to not tell me the details._ She eyes her retainer with skepticism. “Hubert.” She says.

“Yes, Your Majesty?” His expression seems the same, implying nothing and appearing passive. _That, or I feel too irritable to notice anything unusual._

Edelgard stands, ceasing her work. “Nothing.” She takes the key that unlocks her room and puts it in her side pocket. “Let’s get on with it.”

**∞**

Whenever Edelgard needed to attend a conference, the visitors would wait outside the monastery with her Imperial guards watching them as someone went to inform the Emperor. This avoided endangering the security of those inside the monastery. The Emperor would also be able to identify the visitor and determine if they were an ally or a foe. The times someone had attempted to hoax their way into the Empire’s main base ended in their instant execution. Her classmates were never satisfied when this process was conducted. _Still, it must be done._ Edelgard understood this phrase better than anyone.

“Hubert, why have you taken me to the Dining Hall?” Edelgard keeps her tone authoritative and neutral despite her puzzlement with Hubert’s behavior.

“It is where your guest has been situated.” Hubert answers. Edelgard would ask him what made him trust this guest but she’s eager to get this over with more than anything.

Hubert opens the door, letting her in first. The room was dark. She turns around to interrogate Hubert on his purpose, but he was gone. Edelgard was becoming more confused by the minute. First, Hubert tells her there is someone she needs to see, vaguely answers any questions she has, then leaves her in dark room by herself. _This requires more patience than I’m willing to extend,_ she deems, continuing forward towards the door. _I can discuss this incident with Hubert another time._

She would have continued out the door, except that the lights have flicked on. She turns around a second time and is greeted by the sight of her classmates.

“Happy birthday!” All of the Black Eagles shout excluding Hubert. Their unison was flawed, half shouting when she started to turn around and the other half shouting when she could fully see them.

Edelgard had forgotten it was her birthday today.

The silliness of her classmates and their lack of social unison reminded her of their school year together, where one of them would make an offhanded comment that caused the class to go entirely off topic. It made learning frustrating at times, but… she wouldn’t want them any other way.

“How did you know?” Edelgard doesn’t fight her rising smile. Often, a part of her mind would consistently remind her that she needs to wear her “mask”. That she needs to be guarded at all times. That she should never trust or offer vulnerability. These feelings only went away when she talked to Byleth, and she wasn’t with her. _For now._

That part of her mind doesn’t speak today. Perhaps they sympathized with her this month. _Am I starting to think my thoughts have a separate consciousness? I’m becoming like Bernadetta._

“Ferdie set all of this up.” Dorothea holds a small box, a ring likely inside. Edelgard wasn’t into jewelry. Dorothea probably got her something small for that reason; earrings, a necklace, or a bracelet would clash with Edelgard’s daily attire. A ring didn’t distract from the authoritative aura she wanted to emit. And, if it was a gift from someone she cared about, she would wear it.

Distracted by Dorothea’s gift, she almost misses the name of the person who created this celebration. _Ferdinand? I’ll have to talk to him._

Ferdinand grins. “As the son of House Aegir, I have access to information most would not.”

Edelgard isn’t annoyed by Ferdinand’s emphasis on his status or lineage. Today, she finds it charming in its own infuriating way.

Linhardt, fully awake, smiles warmly and raises a hand to wave at her. “Good day, Your Majesty. I cut my nap short just to attend this celebration.”

“Heh, that may be the highest compliment I have received from you.” She teases. She expected him to fall asleep before the event ended but she was happy everyone came regardless. _Except for Hubert._

“No, you didn’t.” Butts in Caspar. “I had to drag you here.”

“I’m here now, aren’t I?” Linhardt holds a hand to his forehead in annoyance. “Great, now you’ve ruined my lie.”

“Enough, boys.” Dorothea settles them down.

 _Fools,_ Edelgard thinks to herself lightheartedly, remembering what Hubert had called his classmates.

“What matters is that you’re here with us. Why don’t you come closer?” Dorothea suggests, lifting her wrist that was decorated with golden bracelets.

Edelgard hasn’t had a birthday party thrown for her since she was a child. The birthday parties that were thrown for her were scripted, excessive, and included plenty of gifts. Even as a young girl she understood that the adults standing over her only cared about her status as one of the Emperor’s many children.

Childhood was the critical time for a child to develop themselves, to develop their mind sets, and to be exposed to ideas that would later correlate with their beliefs when they’re older. These aspects made childhood the perfect time for manipulation.

Both nobles and commoners have their respective roles enforced on them when very young to make them compliant with the state of the world as adults, convinced nothing would change. Already, kids in Faerghus were being told that the people of Duscar were inferior, a mindset that could take years to remove. The ideas in the Church books, said to be written by Seiros herself, would be constantly practiced and reviewed by the adults around these children. Children, helpless and doing their best to fit in a world too complex for them to understand, would imitate the behaviors and hobbies of their family. The daily recite of passages found in religious scriptures would be repeated daily until it became a defined part of their lives.

Edelgard only had issue with the church, not the faith, but she finds it hard to believe that anyone who grew up in an irreligious environment and was old enough to understand that multiple religions existed would look into a religion and feel inspired enough to incorporate it as a part of their life. _It is only the oppressive parts of religion holding Fódlan back, not the role of religion as spiritual support._ She couldn’t deny that at times she thought her country would be better without religion, but she refused to let her personal experience rule over the lives of her people.

The terror of those experiments, exposed to Edelgard when young, drastically changed her mindset. It gave her the determination to change the world and it made her fear offering affection or trust to another. Edelgard thought she’d never trust anyone, other than Hubert, again.

Somehow, this dysfunctional class has found a way into her heart, past the walls she placed to protect herself. She feared it at first, but it felt… lovely.

And for this same dysfunctional class to throw her a party as her friends, not as future political allies, would have brought a younger Edelgard to tears.

She happily walked towards her friends, restraining her smile enough to not seem a complete buffoon. Her friends do not look at her dumbfounded for expressing this much emotion. The sight would have been astounding to the other students at Garreg Mach, to her Imperial soldiers, to Claude, to Dimitri, to Rhea.

In contrast, her friends accept her. _As they always will._

**∞**

Edelgard discovered that spending time with friends was a much better cure for stress than paperwork ever would be. Ferdinand gifted her tea bags that were made exclusively for House Aegir. There weren’t many of those tea bags left as she had removed all the power and land that belonged to Aegir. Ferdinand, being aware she was responsible for the removal of his house, deciding to throw a party for her made her… happy.

Bernadetta had finished her drawing, handing it to Edelgard in thin gift wrapping. The girl begged with a blush and frenzied voice to promise not to show anyone else. Hubert was likely to happen upon it as she and her retainer often had chats in her room, but she deliberately left that information out and promised to not let anyone see it.

The cakes were made by Bernadetta, infused with as much sugar as Edelgard liked. The girl was considerate and made less-sugary cakes for the Black Eagles that couldn’t stand the excessive sugar. A few classmates asked about her well-being, with how vigorously she worked this month, but she tells them not to worry. She didn’t just say that to comfort them. It will be some time before she fully accepts that she lost the last connection she had to her siblings, but her friends would ease the burden.

 _Now I think about it, this celebration is the most harmonious my class has been._ Nothing spiraled into a full-fledged debate. Linhardt was, surprisingly, awake. Bernadetta hasn’t overreacted to anything, which was enough for her class to go off-grid in the past. Ferdinand hasn’t challenged her to a duel, which had immediately resulted in the racket after the Empire’s first successful invasion.

 _I still need to talk him,_ she reminds herself. Now was the perfect chance; he was by himself as he indulged in a third slice of a cake. She leaves Dorothea and Petra, telling them she has a matter to discuss with him.

“Ferdinand.” She cannot see his face, only his backside. She noticed that he was growing his hair out. It grew fast, faster than her own. It has already reached past his neck. It did look good, she had to admit it, but she hoped this wouldn’t add on to the nonsensical things he challenged her on.

Once he had sliced his cake, he turns around and greets her with enthusiasm. “Edelgard! You are doing just fine, I presume?”

“I am.” She moves to his side to cut her fourth large slice of cake. “I have a question for you.”

“You do not need my permission. It is unlike you to ask for approval before you speak.” He turns to her, placing his plate down.

 _True._ “Why did you construct this for me? Am I not your rival?” She queries. Ferdinand was the classmate she got along with the least, fully due to Ferdinand’s insistence on turning all of their conversations into opportunities for duels. He was a general for the Imperial forces on the borders of the Kingdom, so she thankfully wasn’t victim to his duels as often as she was during their time as students. She wanted to see that he was well and chat with him, just without the _duels_ and his many monologues about the _nobility._

The wise decision would be to accept one of his duels and be done with it, but she didn’t want to hurt his excessively enlarged ego. When she stripped his house of its power, he looked so deflated, as though he’d given up on life. It makes it ironic that he, a noble turned commoner, continues to blabber on about the role of the nobility. His identity as a noble defined him. She could sympathize with how he felt. She has taken what he based his pride and himself upon. She also wasn’t crude enough to tell him in response to him lecturing herself or another on the role of the nobility that he wasn’t a noble anymore, tempting as it was at times.

 _Someday I must accept one of his duels._ She knew the duels and challenges would never end if she focused on nurturing his pride. But he had also made it his identity to be her superior, whatever his reasoning was. She didn’t anticipate Ferdinand responding well to her besting him in a duel and seeing him so deflated back then was jarring. She never wanted to see it again.

“I am your rival, but I am also your friend.” He reasons, simply. “The two are not mutually exclusive.”

“Yes, but does it not seem inauspicious for allies to confront each other at every given opportunity?” She counters, shifting her body to stare into his eyes with a hand on her hip. Not one to back down, Ferdinand stares back.

“For allies to challenge each other is how we learn and grow.” He rebuts, a hand on his own hip. It was a common stance for political figures.

 _He challenges me to self-improve?_ To Edelgard, that reasoning sounded too weak. He didn’t challenge anyone else. She’d call his quarrels with Hubert a grand difference of opinion before saying that Ferdinand wanted to deepen his understanding of Hubert’s perspective.

“Do not worry. I do not intend to challenge you today. In fact, because it is your day of birth, I will readily admit that I am inferior to you.” Ferdinand boasts. “I will say it as many times as you’d like.”

“You are not my inferior, Ferdinand.” She shakes her head. “You are my equal.”

“Equal?” He staggers. “I was not aware you viewed me that way.”

Edelgard hopes she hasn’t set up a chance for Ferdinand to expand upon why they were not equals, to the benefit of his own ego. “I would not have made you a general if you were not talented.”

“You are just flattering me, Edelgard.” Ferdinand’s voice takes a suddenly deprecatory tone. “I was not able to surpass you in academics, no matter how diligently I studied. Your prowess in battle is unmatched. You do not even consider it worth your time to challenge me. It is as though success comes naturally to you.” Ferdinand looks down at his feet. “I cannot hope to ever serve as your prime minister. I am unable to beat you in the most mundane of tasks. As should be expected when competing with the heir of House Hresvelg.”

“Hold a moment, how is surpassing me related to your ambition to serve Adrestia as prime minister?” She asks, inquisitive.

“If I fail to surpass you, I will be useless to you as an adviser.” He explains, still looking down at his feet. “The inferior does not have worthwhile advice to pass on to the superior.”

_Oh._

Even now, the man made little sense to Edelgard, but she finally understood his motivations.

He did not want to surpass her to serve his ego, but because he wanted to serve her.

She wasn’t sure what to say. _I have misunderstood Ferdinand this whole time._ She didn’t want Ferdinand to dwell too long on his self-interpreted failings and chooses to create a speech on the spot.

“Ferdinand,” She waits for his head to tilt up so she can look him in the eyes again. “You have talents many do not possess. You aim to be amicable and you never give up, even if your efforts seem futile to the masses. When you blunder, you are able to acknowledge your failings and suppress your pride.” She debates whether or not to add the next part to her speech, but quickly concludes it would strengthen her point. “I know we have our disagreements on what should be done with nobility as a concept. But you are closest to the ideal a noble, and anyone who serves the people, should be.”

Ferdinand does not respond at first. He stares at her, expression unchanging. Neither of them move for a minute and they still hold eye contact. Then, a full blush comes to his face.

“Oh, I…” He fidgets around awkwardly. “I have never received a compliment from you, certainly not in a continuous fashion. I like it more than I think I should.”

_What does he mean by that?_

“Please, praise me more in the future. I enjoy the feeling I get from it. It feels as though my life purpose has been fulfilled.” He speaks faster than usual. The continued eye contact was making Edelgard feel uncomfortable. Nevertheless, she was never one for backing down.

“You must be exaggerating.” She pauses, briefly observing Ferdinand’s behavior. His mannerisms told her that he felt awkward, but he was also not one to back down from a challenge. “If it will satisfy you, I will commend you more in the future.”

“Please do.” He replies enthusiastically. _Too_ enthusiastically. They share an unnerving silence, staring at each other for a few more minutes. If anyone was watching them, the sight must be… curious, to say the least. Edelgard was becoming influenced by his redness, starting to lightly blush herself for no reason.

“I’ll… go.” Says Ferdinand, leaving in a hurry to sit with Linhardt. He forgot his plate with the slice of cake.

She wasn’t quite sure what had happened. She decides returns to Dorothea and Petra at their table.

 _I think we both benefited from that conversation,_ she concludes before dismissing the thought entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of canon divergence! The part about Edelgard's dad honed in the feelings I wanted to portray in Edelgard having a party thrown for her. Also, I wanted to write about her dad being sad. The game tells you nothing about him. He deserved much more than a five minute cut scene.
> 
> I had Ferdinand's portion written during her birthday month because it'd provide a convenient reason for them to chat without the part about dueling. "Ferdinand has become less insistent on challenging her" would have been too awkward when he still challenges her well into the war and I didn't want to write about Ferdinand overcoming his complexes with Edelgard when that's already done in their support. Why was he so elated at the end, I wonder? I'll leave it to your interpretation.
> 
> As usual, thanks for your time.


	5. Chapter 5

The Kingdom is plotting something this month. Edelgard knows it. They’ve started sending an excessive number of scouts to the Empire this month. The scouts were difficult to identify; in such a chaotic time, no one is paying enough attention to notice that _this_ person seemed to randomly appear. Even in peace, outsiders with bad intentions were hard to identify just by appearance.

Some of the scouts were blatantly unprepared for the job. They likely only took it up due to the promise of good pay if they found something valuable. She had seen scouts try to force their way into the monastery, lacking the skills to stealthily enter or appear to fit in with the crowd. Rarely did the scouts possess any skill in combat. If they did, it wasn’t long before they were faulted by the higher skill of her soldiers.

Some of her soldiers found it ludicrous that the scouts attempted to scrounge information, having a good laugh over it. Ferdinand had called it dishonorable and had not used any words related to “noble” in his description, to the great appreciation of Edelgard’s patience. Linhardt questioned why those scouts bothered trying, and Dorothea sympathized with them.

Edelgard ordered her soldiers to kill any scouts they saw on sight. Her more sensitive troops were taken aback by her order. She didn’t blame them. It must not feel good for the average person to kill people so helpless, people who can’t defend themselves. They would never know if the scouts took pride in the nation they came from or if they became a scout to survive.

The circumstance received mixed reactions among her classmates.

Dorothea suggested to her that she shouldn’t be so hasty to kill them, her empathy knowing no bounds. But, Edelgard couldn’t risk the threats the scouts would propose if left alive. Just a teensy bit more intimate understanding of the military base from an enemy scout could be her downfall. As compensation, Edelgard reestablished to the songstress that she would not forcefully interrogate enemy soldiers.

Ferdinand, surprisingly, mostly agreed with her. “ _If a foe intends to invade our Empire, that foe should be prepared for death,”_ he had said with a twinge of uncertainty in his voice. Petra agreed with Ferdinand’s sentiment, being suspect to assassinations as the princess of Brigid. Linhardt, unsurprisingly, fell asleep at the conference. When he had expressed an opinion, he didn’t seem to care much either way.

 _Does that boy care about anything?_ She has, with some begrudge, accepted his way of life. But she was positive the entire world could combust tomorrow and he would nap it away without a care. It was amazing he was still alive. At the mock battle between the houses, Byleth assigned him the role of support to heal the injured Black Eagles. When she questioned where he went, they discovered he fell asleep in the bushes. Her class should not have won that day; Ferdinand’s determination to outdo her led him to make many arrogant moves without the Professor’s approval, and both herself and Hubert found themselves incompatible with the egotistical Ferdinand and the impressively lazy Linhardt.

After that battle, Byleth critiqued Edelgard for not having enough faith in the abilities of her allies. The statement hit Edelgard critically. Byleth was only discussing her abilities in combat, but that statement defined how Edelgard viewed the people around her. Her classmates have proved wrong that there was no way they’d join with Edelgard, but Edelgard couldn’t claim she fully trusted them yet.

 _Yet?_ Edelgard muses if some day she’ll be able to trust her classmates the way she trusted Byleth. She’d likely never tell Ferdinand the truth about the Insurrection of the Seven, if she grew to trust her allies so much. To know that his house held responsibility for the death of the Hresvelg children and the terrorization of herself would be no good for his self-esteem. Edelgard did not promote living in ignorance, but some things were best left unknown.

Her workload was not so heavy today. Hubert decided to take more of her work upon himself, aware that her father had died. She could suppress her feelings about the death easily enough. But sometimes, when she laid awake restless at night, it did get to her. Her mind would beat her down for being unable to prevent his death. That thought was illogical. He was an elder man, and with old age came health issues. Even if she had been at the palace to care for him, he had at most a year left if he was lucky. His immune system was too weak to fight a common cold. No matter how much she could reason the thoughts out, they would rush back in minutes.

Knowing it was useless to continue working in this state, she gets up and decides to go for a walk. Nature helped to calm her down when she found it impossible to focus. There was an area close to the monastery with trees and a garden. It would be dangerous for her to walk there alone, an archer could attempt to shoot her, but she had confidence in her abilities to notice anyone watching her.

Edelgard takes the ring Dorothea gave her and places it in her pocket before walking out.

**∞**

As Edelgard walks, she notices the behavior of the wildlife. The birds sang cheerily, like there was not a war going on around them. A greedy squirrel nibbles on a big acorn, not lacking in food. Even the worms on the ground seem careless as they move about. Edelgard takes extra caution to ensure she doesn’t step on any of the worms.

The animals had nothing to do with the war. They had no stakes in who won or who lost. They likely didn’t care. Their lives were unconcerned with the complications of human society. Perhaps some of their land was destroyed due to more wood being needed to create weapons. No doubt they might have less resources than usual. But, overall, they must not care about humans.

Childishly, Edelgard envies these creatures for the freedom to indulge. If Edelgard could throw all her obligations away without endangering the lives of her people, she would.

Faintly, she hears a woman’s voice reciting something in a language she doesn’t understand. _The language of Brigid._ Edelgard understood some phrases of Brigid but could not hold a conversation in the language.

She walks towards the voice, recognizing it as Petra’s as she gets closer. For a few minutes Edelgard watches her, Petra’s knees bent and hands clasped in prayer. The Emperor knew little of the world outside Fódlan due to her country’s isolationist policies, so to hear a language with different accents and tunes was engrossing.

A few minutes later, Edelgard hears the word “Seiros” and her own name in Petra’s hymn. _Was Petra praying to the goddess of Fódlan?_ That seemed… unusual to Edelgard. When she had walked past Claude and Petra chatting over tea, Petra told him she did not know of the goddess over Fódlan.

“I have been noticing you watching me in secrecy, Edelgard.” Says Petra, standing to her full height and turning around.

“I… was not aware you noticed me.” Edelgard admits, feeling like a child caught with their hands in the candy jar.

Petra giggles. “In Brigid, we are taught to be alert always. We are trained at an age that is young.”

“I see. That is no surprise, given how quickly you react on the battlefield.” Edelgard studied the military techniques of Brigid and their resources, but she knew nothing of its culture.

Petra fought as an agile warrior, her foreign techniques keeping her foes at a natural disadvantage. Thinking of Petra’s fighting style made Edelgard wonder if having Petra on the front lines was reasonable. The Emperor informed Petra to retreat if her situation became dire in battle, but Petra was a general very high on the kill list for forces opposing the Empire. Although Brigid donated some resources and troops to Adrestia, they wouldn’t continue to if their princess was killed due to the Empire’s inability to guarantee her safety. It doesn’t need to be said that future relations between Adrestia and Brigid would be destroyed.

“I did not know you practiced the religion of Seiros.” Edelgard adds, adjusting the topic to what had brought her to Petra.

“I do not practice the religion of Seiros.” Petra denies, shaking her head, her earrings shaking with it. She still wears the complex braid she had from her academy days, but her grandfather sent her clothes of Brigid that would be proper for her fighting style.

“Then, why did you speak Seiros’ name?” Edelgard asks. She wasn’t familiar with the religion of Brigid, but she assumed the holy being over Brigid wouldn’t be pleased if Petra prayed to other deities.

“I was praying to the spirit of the tree.” Petra is delighted to discuss Brigid with another. “The tree’s spirit would wish wellness for the Fódlan goddess… and the Goddess then would wish wellness for Edelgard.”

“Thank you, Petra.” Edelgard bows to symbol her appreciation. “I do not mean to downplay your sentiment, but you do know I am not pious.”

“I am knowing that you are not pious. But I am also thinking that this Goddess would want wellness for you.” Petra affirms.

“I am not sure that is how religion operates. I appreciate your blessing nonetheless.” _Not the religion of Seiros._

Edelgard wondered how the Goddess interpreted this war. She accepted that her actions may not be looked kindly upon by the Goddess when she breathed her last. _Would she despise me? How much control did the Goddess have over anything?_

These are questions Edelgard would never have answers to, at least not while she was alive. The answers were buried far underneath the Church’s long stack of lies. She did believe the Goddess existed, but she questioned how much the Goddess cared. _She certainly didn’t care about the suffering of the people she made._

Edelgard stops these thoughts. It wouldn’t be fair to her people that were believers for her to be so opposed to the Goddess of Fódlan. _And, Byleth was close friends with the Goddess._ “How would you describe the Goddess of Brigid?”

“There is not a goddess of Brigid. Brigid people…” Petra stalls, thinking of a better way to phrase herself. “The people of Brigid pray to the spirits.”

“Spirits?” Edelgard propositions, encouraging Petra to continue.

“All of nature has a spirit.” Petra looks to the side, observing the nature around her. “The tree has a spirit. The water has a spirit. The flowers also have a spirit.” Petra puts her hands together in prayer, closing her eyes. “Nature needs us, and we need nature. We should provide for them, and nature will give back to thank us.”

“Interesting. A religion without a goddess…” Edelgard lightly places a hand to her chin, considering the idea. “I can not imagine a religion such as that.”

Petra nods. “I would like it greatly if you wanted to be learning more.”

Edelgard doesn’t respond immediately. Her schedule was busy. She wasn’t sure she’d have the time to learn about Brigid’s culture. From her studies, the few brief mentions of Brigid’s society were negative stereotypes. _As all books of Fódlan are regarding other nations._ “Whenever I have time to spare, it would be pleasant if you taught me about Brigid.”

“I have a thought, if you would not mind for me to say. The religion of Fódlan is too… dependent on this Goddess.” Petra states, confidence in her voice. “I also have the thought that it is chance reliant— ah, reliant on chance.”

“I agree. Our achievements are the result of our own efforts, not the blessing of a Goddess.” Edelgard knew Petra wasn’t enthusiastic about the religion of Fódlan but did not expect her to already have a developed opinion.

Petra laughs. “You are a noble who is strange. You are making me think of Claude.”

“How so?” Edelgard couldn’t think of any similarities she and him shared besides their mutual distrust of each other.

“Claude said the nobility was chose by luck. You were in agreement with him.” Her smile goes away, replaced by grimace. “I would be liking it if the killing of him was avoided. I am thinking he would be appreciating your ambition.”

“Are you certain that my goals would bond well with his?” Edelgard was previously positive that her ambition would require the death of both House Leaders. She is now not so sure. Claude and Petra were close in their academy days. If Petra was a regular student, not a hostage of the Empire, Edelgard would guess that she’d transfer out of Black Eagles. It was apparent they had much common, one being the fact they both came to Fódlan at random.

“That is what I am thinking. It would be a very big waste if the two of you fought to the death.” Petra is assured, easily visible by the glint in her eyes and the tone of her voice.

“Hm.” Edelgard didn’t want to kill Claude, nor did she want to kill Dimitri. Killing the latter man would probably still be necessary due to his support of the Church. But, to spare Claude… it would benefit her self-esteem. And, she could have one of her many questions about the Alliance noble answered.

“I will attempt to negotiate with him when possible.” For that to occur, her troops would have to subdue Claude and bring him all the way back to Garreg Mach. From the little she knew about Claude’s character, he had a strong-will. Keeping him tied for so long would be a challenge. Edelgard could go to the front lines herself, but she still had many affairs requiring her attention on her main military base, and the future depended on her too much to fall so soon. _I should reassign Petra to defend the border of the Alliance. If Claude falls, he would listen to her._

“You have my biggest gratitude. You are kind.” Petra’s smile returns. The passion she displayed for the smallest of successes was… charming. Petra was able to make even someone as inactive as Linhardt work with her passion.

“You are kind as well.” Edelgard reciprocates, grinning warmly at her.

“I am also thinking you would be a good wife.”

Edelgard splutters, pink quickly covering her cheeks.

“W-where did that come from?” She raises, dazed that Petra would say that. She knows it's silly to still be embarrassed by the concept of marriage, yet she was nonetheless.

Petra laughs. She provides no further response to the question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I ended that frustratingly, but that was the point haha. Take it as you will. The overall purpose was to explore more of Edelgard's feelings on the Goddess. I also got to talk more about Claude.
> 
> They were robbed of an A support. Some of the characters that only go up to B have more interesting concepts than the ones that go to A. 
> 
> I wish someone from Black Eagles was able to support Dimitri. It would make incorporating him into Edelgard's thoughts easier. 
> 
> As per usual, thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

Edelgard’s suspicion of the Kingdom last month was correct, but she did not expect those scouts to serve the Alliance.

Edelgard had been so convinced that the Kingdom was looking for an opening to attack that she didn’t pay attention to the Alliance. The scouts had, intelligently, posed as Kingdom scouts to direct suspicion away from the Alliance. _Was this Claude’s idea? How was he aware I was anxious of the Kingdom’s plans?_

It was a fool’s mistake. _It won’t happen again._

The attack carried out by the Alliance was bloodier than the attacks the Kingdom used to host upon Garreg Mach regularly. Garreg Mach was a valuable strategic location, but one of its disadvantages was how close it was to the other nations. If enemy soldiers could bypass her Imperial troops, difficult as that was to carry out, getting to the monastery would not pose as much of a threat.

The leader of that invasion was Ignatz, to the great shock of Edelgard. She never interacted with the boy, but he was deeply insecure about his abilities in combat. Edelgard was forced onto the battlefield herself, alerted by Hubert who noted that the situation was urgent. The boy had grown much more talented with the bow and rose to be a decent leader on the battlefield. Leonie was under his command. That was odd to Edelgard; Leonie would make much more sense as a general.

Edelgard faced Ignatz in combat and slain him in that same battle. He had said something about wanting to see Claude’s goals come to fruition. _What were Claude’s goals?_ Claude was a distrustful man. She would be surprised if he told his troops about his long-term goal is, even if it was something no one would disagree with.

With the main general dead, the other troops ran off with their tails between their legs, including Leonie. Ignatz didn’t deserve to die. He done nothing wrong.

_“You only try to eat the bad guys. You eat some of the good guys on accident but, ah, you know what I mean, right?”_

Edelgard recalls Bernadetta’s words from the Harpstring Moon. The Emperor hoped that remark would remain true to the end. _If I try to take down both moral and immoral humans without prejudice, that is when I will know I have lost every ounce of my humanity._

For the time being she sits in a room, waiting for her healer to arrive. Ignatz managed to get a good shot on her, landing in her elbow. The Alliance had a reputation for its lackluster army, but the soldiers in this invasion were whipped to shape. A few talented swordsmen hit her a few times, tearing some of the cloth on her red dress, but did not hit a vital area. The scars she received on her arm were nothing that couldn’t be tended to with healing magic and professional care.

She wore a long white gown, leaving her red dress to a seamstress. She did not wear her crown, but her hair was held in a bun by a black tie. Her hair would get in the way of her checkup otherwise.

Linhardt arrives, the only healer she trusted enough to show the scars from her experiments. When she had reluctantly let an Imperial physician examine her, they wouldn’t stop asking about where all her wounds came from. Linhardt had asked how she acquired so many blemishes when he first saw it and ceased straightaway when she told him no. The boy was insensitive to the feelings of others at times, but he knew to stop when he was told to stop.

“You’re awake.” Says Edelgard, half a tease and half an observation.

“Ha, ha. Very funny, Your Majesty.” Linhardt’s eyes lower in disappoint. He holds a basket full of ointments and wraps. He sets it down on a small light-brown table after pulling out his clear gloves, his small notebook, and his quill.

Edelgard gets up from her chair, standing near him to let him to observe her. The first thing Linhardt notes is a slash on the right side of her neck.

“This wasn’t here before.” Linhardt lightly presses into the cut and writes something down in his notebook before applying healing magic to it. It would still take a few days for the cut to fully fade, but the healing process would be quickened.

“Where were you when the Alliance invaded?” She is not critiquing him. She questioned his motives at times, but he wasn’t selfish enough to ignore lives being at risk.

“I was tending to injuries in the physician’s office.” Linhardt’s expression becomes distorted, experiencing great disgust. “There were soldiers with grotesque injuries. Ech, the blood. This war will be the only time I decide to serve as a medic.”

“If you dislike the sight of blood, why did you study healing magic?” Edelgard tries to keep her tone neutral, but she feels astounded on how one could live their entire life on whims. If she were a fraction as whimsical as he was, she’d be dead.

“I find the concepts of white magic riveting, not the practical usage of it.” He pulls up her left sleeve, looking at the injuries on her arm. “With my specialty in white magic, I’m kept as far away from the violent affairs of battle as possible.”

Edelgard nods to acknowledge his response. Linhardt observes the new wounds first, but afterward stares at her aged scars. A few of the scars have turned back to regular skin with time, many were still notable, and some were just as gnarled as they were when she first received them.

“Your Majesty, you should consider more extensive treatment for your older injuries. Scar tissue is less durable than healthy skin.” He explains, using his thumb to trace the scarred skin and his index finger to trace the unscarred skin.

“That would be vexing. I would rather not let a stranger know the excessive extent of damage on my skin.” He’s right, she knows it. His judgement was validified by his research in the area. _Didn’t he say scarred skin was less elastic?_ Medicine was not Edelgard’s area of expertise.

“Considering how proactive you are in battle, fighting with them makes them more prone to open up. I say this out of concern, Your Majesty.” His magic soothes one of her recent scars. It wasn’t a deep cut and it returned to healthy skin with ease. The same wouldn’t occur for many of her other scars.

“I just…” Due to the commoners being uneducated, the most talented medics were either nobility or the few commoners who married into the upper class. Those commoners knew the nobles would throw them away when they decided they weren’t useful anymore and took advantage of the wealth that was now accessible to attain talents that would sustain them long after the nobles kicked them out their family.

“…Are you familiar with the Insurrection of the Seven?” A part of her mind screams incessantly to not trust the boy with this information. She does her best to ignore it.

“So my suspicions were correct.” Linhardt grins that carefree grin of his.

“Your suspicions?” Edelgard eyes widen in astonishment. _Did the man of House Hevring inform his son of the experiments? Why would he tell his son his role in the experiments?_

“I always found it strange that the leading house of the Empire only produced one heir. House Hresvelg is obsessed with crests.” He expands, halting the examination.

“How is that related to the Insurrection of the Seven?” It’s a question Edelgard knows the answer to, but she wanted to hear how much he knew.

His grin returns to passive neutrality. “I won’t force you to recite the event, but I do know Ionious’ children were, at some point, forced underground. Whatever happened down there resulted in mass demise.”

“…Do you know who regulated the event and the aim of the conspiracists?” _Do all the nobles in the Black Eagles know of this?_

“I lost interest in the topic before I got that far.” He returns to examining her scars, moving down to her calloused hand.

Edelgard holds in a sigh. _It really is a waste of his talents for him to live like this. But who am I to force my lifestyle onto him?_

No matter how greatly his indecisiveness frustrated her, it had its own appeal. It was ironically inspiring for someone to be able to live their life as negligently as he. She hoped her people will be able to incorporate a little of Linhardt’s lifestyle daily once the war ended.

“I assume you have not told anyone?” It felt unfamiliar for her to discuss the nature of her experiments so casually with someone who wasn’t Hubert or Byleth.

“Why would I? I’m not a gossiper.” He writes something down in his notebook again. It was hard to see what he wrote due to the small size of his notebook, but she caught a glimpse of what the heading said. The one word she saw said ‘process’.

“Linhardt, what is the purpose of observing my hands thoroughly every time you perform a checkup?” To her, it seemed pointless. The scars on her hands have been there for a long time. She doubted they’d ever fade away.

“You’re too stubborn to let a higher medic tend to you. The least I can do is study for infection.” He moves to her right arm, pulling her left sleeve back down. “I’d have thought you’d approve of me willingly putting in work, Your Majesty.”

“Ha. Very funny, Linhardt.” Edelgard replies, replicating his jest from earlier. “You are correct. I should have my wounds healed sooner rather than later. But…” She drifts off, not having the will to continue.

“Are you afraid?” He asks, blunt and to the point.

“…That would be the most simplistic way to phrase it.” The word ‘fear’ described the reason why she wouldn’t let anyone get close. _I thought this boy was equal to me in social ineptitude, only for him to make an acute statement._

“I’m not the best person for advice on this matter. But I think, at least with your classmates, you have nothing to be afraid of.” Linhardt inspects one of her deeper cuts, one she recently received from battle. He opens it up marginally for a more detailed look before patching it with a healing spell.

“If I could make my fears disappear so easily, I would.” She refutes.

“Dorothea told me something close to that. That is not what I was claiming.” Abiding by her wish for him to not inspect the old scars on her hand consistently, he backs away when he’s done jotting down observations of her right arm. “You’re pushy, but you have good intentions. Go for a walk, chat up some soldiers. You’d be surprised how much more you’d say about yourself in a casual environment.”

“I have been this way for years. It will not fade away as auspiciously as you suggest if I ‘chat up’ some people.” She puts her hand on her side, the domineering position serving as an additional mask for over her feelings.

“Oh? Is Her Majesty giving up? I never thought I’d see the day.” His voice is sarcastic with apparent hints of disbelief. “Here, have a story. When I was younger, I worked very hard.”

“You expect me to believe that?” The Emperor tries to put the image of Linhardt being studious into her head and draws a blank.

“No. I’m expecting you to trust me, as your friend.” He smirks faintly, shaking his head. “My father had books and more books on boring matters assigned to me. The texts absolutely drained me even at the age of seven. And he’d ramble on and on about my duty as the heir despite me telling him I didn’t care.”

“I am the last heir to an Empire, Linhardt. I cannot walk away from my responsibilities as abruptly as you do.” Before she continues, Linhardt stops her.

“Let me finish.” He raises his hand, lowering it when Edelgard said nothing for a few seconds. “I complained to Caspar every day about the overabundance of my duties. One day, he got fed up with me whining and told me to just not do it.”

 _…Where is this story going?_ If there was a message at all, it was muddled in Edelgard’s mind.

“I took up his advice. My father protests my way of life on a regular basis, but I was happier for it. Better he complains to me than I complain to him. Caspar wasn’t pleased with my sudden shift to laziness either. I probably missed the original intent of his advice or I took it too literally. But he was my friend, so I considered what he said.”

Linhardt is silent, apparently done with his speech. Edelgard stares at him dumbly.

“I am not sure I understand the message of this story, if the message was supposed to be productive.” Edelgard’s eyes lower in both concern and confusion.

“The point is that you should have more faith in what your friends tell you, Your Majesty. You claim you can never trust, but have you thought that it is because you never tried to?”

Edelgard still stares at him.

“Just now, you shut down my suggestion without thinking further. How do you think your friends feel when you do so?”

 _Oh._ That did make sense to Edelgard’s mind. “You have an odd way of encouraging people.”

Linhardt smiles again, relieved his message got through to her. “Have some faith, Your Majesty. Not as much as me, of course.”

“I think you would appreciate me becoming as lazy as you are.” She teases, smiling back.

“No, I wouldn’t. I’ve grown to like your overbearingness.” He places his small notebook back into the basket he brought with him. “Enough so I’d happily take up any position you gave me to see you loosen up.”

“Then I should put you to work immediately.” She crosses her arms, feeling mild amusement. “Thank you, Linhardt. Perhaps I will ‘chat up’ some soldiers as informally as you suggested.”

“That’s the spirit.” He stretches, not out of sleepiness but to simply to stretch his arms. “I’ll help sort all the drama that’s to occur after the Empire inevitably wins this war. And then, afterward, I’ll teach you the art of relaxation.”

“Oh? Do you not have activities you would rather be doing?” She uncrosses her arms, opting to not place one on her hip. Instead, she lets them rest idly near her sides. The stance felt unusual to her. But _I have to try._

“None more important to me than that.” He answers.

“I have a feeling you may have an underlying objective.” She eyes him in playful suspicion.

“I may have an ulterior motive.” Linhardt grabs his basket in preparation to leave as rudely as he usually does. “You’ll just have to see when the time comes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a lot of fun to write, especially Linhardt's story. I am a fan his sarcasm.
> 
> I appreciate you reading until the end!


	7. Chapter 7

_“El! El, look.”_

_Edelgard finds herself being dragged by a blonde boy before she can react the moment she steps out of a candy shop. She attempted to tug her hand away so she could question where he was taking her. Her attempts were pathetic, being dragged along as though she wasn’t protesting at all. He was very strong for his age, defying his meek personality and seemingly weak body._

_Knowing that trying to pull away would pointless, she lets herself be dragged by the boy’s impressive strength. He was very excited. It wasn’t like him to be initiative._

_“Where are you taking me?” She, not having the stamina for a run longer than a few seconds, pants in exhaustion. Her oldest brother had been teaching her how to use the axe before she was taken to the Kingdom to help raise her stamina, but only minor improvement was made. She liked the axe. It was graceful and she liked how her brother spun it around. She missed him._

_She liked the new friend she made. But Adrestia and her family would always be the definition of ‘home’ to her._

_The boy doesn’t answer her question, powering through the crowd with her helplessly being tug along. He abruptly stops after a few minutes, pushing Edelgard in front of him. After recovering from the sudden stop, she looks up._

_“The Mittelfrank Opera?” Her mouth drops. She thought they only performed for the Empire._

_“From Adrestia. It’s where you come from… I thought it’d help you feel less homesick.”_

_Edelgard searches for the woman she saw last time with the brown hair and heavy makeup that caught the eye and sees her nowhere on the stage._

_“How’d you know they came down here?” Her eyes beam with keenness, already captivated by the dance onstage._

_“Um, Arundel talked to them. He made them come.” The boy is shy again. He was easily embarrassed and Edelgard’s great enthusiasm for his gift made him meeker than he often was._

_“Thank you, Di_ —"

**∞**

A loud knock on the door wakes up Edelgard brusquely. The first day of the Horsebow Moon gave her better sleep at night than was common. This rest was one of the few she had that weren’t interrupted by nightmares or by waking up at random. _What would require my counsel at midnight?_

She yawns, forcing herself out of bed, patting down both her shirt and pants to look somewhat presentable. _As presentable as one can be in sleepwear_. If a foe is at her door, she cannot afford to seem unguarded. She takes a few more seconds to compose herself, the person at the door knocking a second time during the interval.

“Who’s there?” She felt drowsy from the unexpected interruption and stretches. Her voice gives the impression she was alert and wide awake.

Hubert says his name, the only man who would have good reason to wake her up. “You may enter.” She says. She doesn’t unlock the door for him as she had given him keys to unlock it himself.

Habitually, he bows to her once in her room. “You have a visitor requesting your presence.”

“This late at night?” She rubs her eyes, wanting to force herself into a state of complete alertness. “Tell the visitor that whatever they desire must be postponed to the afternoon.”

“Perhaps ‘requesting’ was not a suitable description. The visitor is demanding your appearance.” Hubert winces. “I have tried to make the visitor exercise patience, but… well, you have to see it to believe it.”

“What makes them think they can order the Emperor of Adrestia around?” This did sound like a troublesome guest. Sinisterly, she wants to order them to be executed and be done with it. Anyone with enough arrogance to not respect her schedule must not be anyone worthwhile. The humanity she latches on to tells her to at least hear them out despite the loathe she has already garnered from this guest.

“I am not sure. My apologies for disturbing your rest.” Hubert is as annoyed as Edelgard with the antics of the visitor. “Allow me to escort you.”

Edelgard sighs again, her ire increasing rampantly every second. “I must change into a decent outfit.” Her intimidating red dress was drying on a clothesline after a wash so she would have to wear a formal dress instead.

“Understood.” He bows again and leaves her room.

Edelgard did not experiment with fashion. She wore the same outfit every day, her red dress with her headpiece. If she was not wearing her red dress, she was in bed wearing nightclothes.

She had multiple proper dresses, all gifts from nobles attempting to win her favor. They’d give her jewelry, flowers, dresses, accessories, all accompanied by fabricated affections and flirty words. She’d usually give her dresses and accessories to Dorothea. Some of the dresses were rather short on the songstress due to her being much taller than Edelgard, but Dorothea was never bothered by clothing being revealing. She would give the flowers to Bernadetta, whom was very passionate about plants. Although Edelgard liked carnations and enjoyed gardening with her friend, she couldn’t claim to be passionate about them.

Edelgard opens her closet, looking for a dress that covered the most skin. She settles on a long blue dress that started at her neck and ended just above her ankles. She grabs simple closed black heels, black tights, and a blue hair tie, tying her hair into a back-bun whilst letting still letting some hair accompany her face. Lastly, she puts on blue gloves. Although it would be too dark for anyone to see her hands, she wouldn’t put it above this visitor to be overly touchy with her. She didn’t want the guest to know how rough her hand was.

Finished, she takes Dorothea’s ring, which she had grown accustomed to wearing every day, and slides it on her finger. After placing her room keys into the small pocket on the right of the dress, she leaves her room to meet with Hubert again.

“Shall we?” He propositions. She nods, and the two go together to meet the guest.

**∞**

Not long before the entrance to Garreg Mach, Edelgard can vaguely see blonde hair that stood out. She dismisses Hubert, resuming forward without him. As she approaches, she hears an exaggerated voice grumbling.

“Urgh— let me go! Do you know who I am?” Every vowel the woman spoke had its own tone of amplification. “I could have you all garroted for your treachery!”

Edelgard hasn’t said a word to this woman, yet she already feels her patience vanishing.

Remembering to put a hand on her side, she walks forward until she stands behind the Imperial guards restraining a body.

“Turn around.” She demands the two guards. After a confirmative noise from one of them, both turn around to present the guest to their leader.

The guest had short, curly blonde hair. Her hair was somehow two colors at once, layers of purple existing under the strands of blonde. Her face is full of makeup; from the little Edelgard knew about makeup, she was aware the blonde was wearing it heavily. Heavy mascara— if that is what it’s called—on her lashes, a fair amount of ink around her eyes and slightly stretching past them, lipstick that made her lips a pale pink, some sort of facial makeup that evened out her tone. She even wore earrings.

_Ink liner? Face dust? Ink powder?_

Naming the makeup on her face was irrelevant. What bemused Edelgard was why she showed up like this so late _. If she was interested in making a good first impression, why would she appear at a time as adverse as midnight?_

_Though I suppose that is not a concern of hers, since she considers herself important enough to defer my sleep._

When the woman recognizes Edelgard’s face, a contagious smile arises as though she is meeting her savior. “Your Majesty! Your Majesty! Tell these brutes to detach themselves from me before I incinerate them with my unparalleled magic.”

“…You had quite some time to do that.” Of all the guests she’s met in front of Garreg Mach, this blonde was the most unique.

“Is Her Majesty giving me permission? I presumed you’d prefer I employ self-restraint.” She wore her emotions on her sleeve, eyes widening very… _wide._

“No.” Edelgard holds a hand to her forehead in frustration at both the matter at hand and herself. She breathes in and out before trying to address the situation again. When she does, she feels her own eyes widen. She only knew one person in her life that cared for her hair as this woman did. “Wait… are you Constance of House Nuvelle?”

“Aha! You remember me! But of course you would.” Her grin becomes wider.

_Her self-arrogance outweighs that possessed by Ferdinand. I did not think that was possible._

“Release her. I will handle things from here.” Edelgard orders. Her guards are reluctant to leave the Emperor alone with such an erratic personality, but they obey and leave the two women to themselves.

“Where have you been all this time?” She asks when the guards have walked back into the monastery. She would feel more bewildered by the long-lost heir of a fallen house returning if not for the fact this reveal is happening at midnight. _A time where I could care less about anything._

Edelgard was productive and could operate on little sleep, but she was not invincible. Like most people, she did not like being woke up late at night for issues that could wait.

“I’ve been humbling my time underground, waiting for my moment to rise to eminence yet again.” Constance holds her hand out, suggesting a proposal with a determined expression. “I’ll give you my patronage. In return, you’ll vow to return my house to its sovereignty from long ago.”

Edelgard can only blink and stare. She would rather contend with an invasion at night, not with an overbearing woman who was moving the conversation along much too fast for the fuzzy state of her mind. She does want to say something, but she has nothing logical to say.

“Taken by my allure? You certainly are quite the splendor yourself.” Her smile arises with unbound zest again. Constance was likely a woman who smiled frequently.

Edelgard turns her face to the side, failing to suppress a blush. She knows it’s sillier to be embarrassed by compliments of her appearance than it was to be embarrassed by marriage, but both concepts made her red even if she could reason why she shouldn’t be sheepish. Thankfully, Constance doesn’t acknowledge her reddening.

After recollecting herself, Edelgard turns to Constance again. “I do have many questions. However, I must admit I do not feel mindful enough to negotiate with you.”

“Oh? Am I disturbing Her Majesty’s slumber? My deepest apologies for appearing pompous.” Constance holds her hands together, her head tilted down with a guilty expression.

_Ugh. Comparing her to Ferdinand does him an injustice._

“For the time being, you may find refuge on this base.” Edelgard turns around, eager to go back to sleep. She quickly walks forward but Constance dashes to catch up with her.

“Wait! But where would I sleep?”

“On the ground.” Edelgard responds candidly. She was running out of rooms in the monastery for her soldiers and it was too late to ask anyone to accept a roommate. She had some soldiers that opted to sleep on the ground over sharing an overcrowded room. Only her highest generals were given rooms by themselves. Dorothea did not have enough battle skill to be called a general but Edelgard liked her enough to give her a room by herself.

“Absolutely not!” She spoke, outraged.

“You would not be the only person sleeping on the ground.” _I should have expected a poor response._

“I refuse to lower myself to the disposition of the base.” Her voice raises, pumping her fist to match her tone. “You ought to grant me a room by myself.”

“I do not have additional empty rooms.” She explained simplistically.

“Hm. I see.” Constance’s eyes lower in disappointment. Edelgard thinks she can finally return to her room, but Constance speaks up again. “Oh! I should sleep in your room!”

“I am not letting you borrow my room so I can sleep outside in your place.” Edelgard perceives the development of a headache.

“No, no. We should share your room!” Constance giggles.

Edelgard contemplates the benefits and disadvantages of sharing a room with Constance. For benefits…

_I cannot think of any. I will have to determine which situation is less disadvantageous._

Letting Constance occupy her room would end her babbling about where she would sleep, but it might be replaced with another kind of babbling. Constance seemed stubborn, so the arguments would not end in reasonable time if she was forced to rest outdoors.

“For tonight, you may rest in my room.” Edelgard hopes she will not be pestered endlessly due to this choice.

“Oho, you have my grandest gratitude, Your Majesty.” She smiles again, her head probably filled with nothing but positivity currently.

Her smile was contagious, even if it did not out-power her excessive ego.

**∞**

Before entering her room, Edelgard lets her expression temporarily drop to the weariness she’s forcing behind a face of neutrality. Her skill at controlling her expressions was almost perfection, but her face was starting to hurt from pretending she was not fatigued. Fiddling with the door lock, she opens her door and lets Constance in first.

Constance looks across her room, forming an opinion on it. “This is a rather comely room.” She looks pleased enough, moving to the large mirror and placing a small bag on the stand the mirror stood on.

Edelgard doesn’t respond, taking off her heels and laying on her bed. She knows by looking in Constance’s eyes that she intends to converse before they rest.

_Well then, I am not getting sleep tonight._

“Would you happen to have makeup cleanser?” Constance asks while removing a circular wipe from the small bag she brought with her.

“I do not wear makeup.” She answers, leaning up to sit on the side of her bed.

“That’s a pity. It’s beyond doubt that your grandeur would become besetting if you wore it.” The blonde takes out a brush with a material similar to foam on it, pouring a liquid substance on it before scrubbing it across her face. “I suppose my items will have to do.”

Edelgard blushes again, looking toward her pillow. _I am too old to still become bashful by such statements._ She quickly regathers herself and watches Constance remove her cosmetics.

Constance first starts to remove the makeup that evened out her tone, taking two small wipes and rubbing it on her face. Her skin was slightly paler than the makeup portrayed. Edelgard has never watched someone put makeup on or take it off.

She didn’t know much about… face dust, but she did know you had to blend and rub it in adequately. Some people went an extra mile and applied it to their legs and arms. Constance was also using the wipe on the portion of her neck exposed, pulling the collar slightly down for better access. When she was done removing the powder from her face and neck, she used the wipe on her hands to remove the powder she put on them.

“That must take hours to apply.” Edelgard notes, enthralled by how much makeup Constance was wearing. Even Dorothea, who was knowledgeable on makeup herself, was not this excessive with the application. _Her mascara isn’t as dramatic, for one, and her… ink liner is more subtle._

Constance holds a hand to her mouth, laughing for a second. “Oh, it’s not so interminable. I’ll happily be your instructor.”

“No thank you.” Edelgard replies promptly, feeling intimidated by all the palettes and brushes and wipes Constance had out on the stand. “How much time does it take to remove all of that?”

“Only minutes, if one’s adept at the task.” Placing her dirtied wipes to the side, she takes a small circular wipe and rubs it over her closed left eye to remove both the mascara and ink liner. When done, she places that wipe aside and takes out a second circular wipe, rubbing it over her closed right eye.

“Why did you take the time to put it on before you arrived here? It is a waste to wear it heavily for an occasion that would last for a few minutes.” Edelgard pinches her arm, forcing herself to stay awake. She wasn’t bored by the conversation, but one could only maintain so much attention when discussing makeup, especially when one had little interest in the topic.

“A noble must always appear refined, most definitely when appearing in front of Her Majesty.” She states, pleased that Edelgard was impressed with her efforts. Her eye makeup removed, she takes a small liquid container and a brush. She dips the small brush into the liquid and applies it on her lips.

“If that is your belief, why are you removing your makeup in front of me?” Edelgard watches Constance take a larger circular wipe to rub on her lips. When it was removed, her lips were a darker pink.

“I figured the act would succor the development of affable relations between yourself and I. And it would help restore my house.” She beams at the end, finally taking off her earrings and then turning to Edelgard.

“So, you are interested in affable relations between us two for the purpose of restoring your title.” Edelgard states. She was beginning to like Constance, but perhaps it wasn’t meant to be.

Ignoring her plentiful self-pride, she was respectful, friendly, and organized. _Yet, it seems that I am no more than a step in her plans for her future._

Edelgard shouldn’t be offended. She was guilty of using humans as pawns herself. Many months ago, she sacrificed Lonato’s life for the sake of her ambition. She did have sympathy for Lonato and his men, but she was still using them.

In a battle against a demonic beast, she had a man from her battalion guard Dorothea so she would escape and be healed by Linhardt. She knew that man would die in the process. Selfishly, she put the life of Dorothea, who was a less-able soldier, over the life of the man. The man had friends and family who would grieve his loss.

Edelgard has sacrificed human lives for her goals, be they minor or major. _Then, why do I get this forlorn feeling from a woman I should be annoyed with only using me for her goals?_

“No! I want a friendship.” Constance throws her hand out, offended by the assumption.

“You need me to restore your house. The most efficient method for that is to be favored by myself.” Edelgard asserts in argument.

“Yes, but I also want a friend. Both entreats can exist at once.” Constance looks angered, holding one hand on top of her chest. “Do you really think I’m so heedless to hurl a person away without muse when they pose no practical usage to me?” Her voice raises with each word.

Edelgard has heard her soldiers discuss a desire to be on closer terms with her. She appreciated her soldiers for serving her cause, but she doubted they actually wanted to be close to her. They just wanted the benefits; bragging about being friends with the Emperor, access to a person who possessed wealth, potential to marry into the upper class, the possible rewards were endless.

The Emperor didn’t blame them entirely. Most of her soldiers had grown up poor, scavenging for food and coins, nor did they have anything worth boasting about. To most, those soldiers did not matter. Subtracting when she was forced to undergo experiments, Edelgard always had wealth. Her access to resources and necessities meant that being fed was never a concern for her. Although most only cared about her status as the daughter of an Empire, at least people did care about her presence as a person. It was only reasonable they’d care about her status, given how connected their own fortune was to her decisions and favors. The only time nobles cared about the commoners as people was when so many died that they were losing the money they’d get from taxes. Often, their solution was to tax the commoners higher.

For someone she hardly knew to care about befriending her authentically, not only as the result of what she could give them, struck a chord in her.

“Disregard what I said. Thank you, Constance. To be friends with you does sound pleasant… if not trying.” Edelgard admits genuinely.

“For the benefit of Her Majesty, I’ll ignore the end of that statement.” Her smile reaches her ears. Edelgard has never seen anyone smile so unconstrained.

“Do you have spare nightclothes?” Constance requests, placing her dirty wipes into the small garbage can and her makeup appliances back into her small bag.

“Search my closet on your right.” Edelgard lays down again, turning her head away from Constance.

“…Will you not change into nightclothes yourself?” The blonde asks, the rumbling of moving hangers playing as background noise.

“I will not. This dress is comfortable enough.” In truth, Edelgard did not own any nightclothes that covered enough skin. She did not want Constance to see how marred she was.

“Hm. Well, I shan’t pester.” Her voice is unsettled by Edelgard’s option.

 _Have you not been pestering me all this time?_ Edelgard thinks this in humor, not in scorn.

Constance changes into a medium-length pink gown with no decorations. She folds the dress she took off neatly, placing it on a shelf. She also removes her headband, collar, and purple heels.

“May I share Her Majesty’s bed?” Asks Constance.

_In other circumstances, that would be quite a different request._

_…At least she asked for permission._

“You may.” Edelgard moves over to the left side of the bed to make room for Constance. Constance joins her after bowing.

Before laying down, Constance lingers over her. She rubs her fingers through Edelgard’s silver hair. Edelgard does not need to speak; her gaze asks Constance _what are you doing?_

“Oh, nothing. You’ve become more adorable since last I saw you.” She beams, lifting up one of the silver strands.

“Sleep well, Constance.” Edelgard turns away from her. _Why do I bother trying to look intimidating?_ Despite her menacing crown and blood-red dress, people still called her cute frequently. Constance laughs boisterously before settling down to sleep.

The remainder of the night, Edelgard was not awakened by nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let Edelgard sleep.
> 
> This turned out a lot longer than anticipated. I expected Constance's dialogue to be painful to write, but it was quite entertaining. Writing this somewhat convinced myself of their dynamic as couple, as did Linhardt's section. I might write more about their dynamics in a separate piece.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed. If you have any appraisals/critiques on my writing style, let me know!


	8. Chapter 8

It has been seven months since all nations of Fódlan was forced into war. No noteworthy progress has been accomplished by any of the three nations.

Faerghus and the Alliance were simultaneously working together and apart. The Alliance was trying to remain neutral, but some Faerghus nobles have started to attack that nation, wanting to reunite the Alliance with Faerghus. Another benefit was that if Faerghus was given more land and power, coordination in efforts against the Empire could be improved.

Although Alliance nobles never cared for the identity of their nation, they were fighting off the Faerghus nobles attempting to take over. Dimitri does not concern himself with the tensions growing between his nation and the Alliance, honing all his attention on destroying Adrestia and murdering Edelgard.

 _Are wars supposed take this long?_ Edelgard imagined this requiring less time, but that was when she also was including the use of crest stones and Thales’ kind. She did want to give her soldiers crest stones occasionally, but not as achingly as she did months ago. Her friends stressed the importance of maintaining some morality in war. If it was important to her friends, it was important to her.

 _I sound like a mother._ She recalls what Linhardt had called her when she was a student, criticizing her for being overly involved in the affairs and opinions of the people around her. She didn’t mind being a ‘mother’. It felt… nice to care about others without exaggerating the fear of betrayal.

The idea that they might betray her still laid in the back of her mind. But it no longer defined her interactions with them.

Edelgard’s thoughts are paused by a teddy bear being shoved into her lap. She took a seat on a bench to enjoy the social environment around her. She has yet to work up the confidence to talk to people at random, as Linhardt suggested, but observing them did help.

“Take it.” Constance demands, a dreary expression on her face. She gave off an entirely different aura.

“…Why?” _This is peculiar_. She has never seen Constance like this.

“I wanted to give Her Majesty a gift worthy of her palatial standing. That perhaps someone as unworthy as I may be even slightly redeemed in her celestial eyes.” Edelgard refused to take the gift from her, so she dropped it into her lap.

“Are you feeling all right?” _Did she eat a rotten meal?_ There was nothing recent that would cause Constance’s entire demeanor to change.

“The sun.”

 _The sun?_ That would explain why she was so adamant on defending the monastery at night and walking under the shade during daytime. However, the concept of someone fearing sunlight sounded difficult to believe.

“Take it.” Constance insists again. “Someone as lowly as I cannot recognize the magnitude of the essence present in a gift such as this. Its cuteness is lost on my boundless ignorance.”

 _I’ll deal with this later._ “Find Hubert. Tell him to place this in my room.”

Constance bows and retakes the teddy. “I will, Your Majesty. To serve is the only meager role I can provide.”

Before Edelgard can respond, Constance turns around and walks off to find Hubert. The stuffed animal was lovely, dressed in white armor. How unsuited the bear was for the armor added to its appeal. She would never be able to buy that directly. It would hurt her reputation as Emperor to buy items meant for children.

Byleth bought stuffed animals for her frequently when she was her professor. Edelgard told her over tea that she adored stuffed animals, but her position kept her from buying them. Byleth promised her that day she would buy any stuffed animal Edelgard was taken with.

Constance probably learned of her liking for them when she visited her room last month. Edelgard did not think of the toys she had in her room when she let her in. She assumed that if anyone else knew of the toys she kept, they’d laugh. For Constance to not mock someone of her standing for wanting a child’s items made her feel accepted. As though there was more to her person than her role as the Emperor.

_I have better things to do than consider my emotions._

Recently, the base at Garreg Mach was lacking in food. A suspect has yet to be found, but their food storage was torn into without a care, as though the criminal didn’t care enough to eat the food elsewhere or make it seem no robbery occurred. There were a lot of soldiers and a lot of mouths to feed. It was understandable for someone to grow desperate. _But to think someone would be so careless to rip into the supply that everyone at this base depends on for survival_ _—_

She stops that thought process. Thinking about it longer would further her irritation. _I’ll have to assign more people to watch the supply in the Dining Hall._

Edelgard was aware that a portion of her soldiers were not fighting out of belief for her cause. Some soldiers had no better way to obtain food and shelter. Some didn’t see the Adrestia not winning the war and decided to fight with the nation that had the greatest chance of winning. The more pretentious nobles in her army wanted to convince her to keep the nobility system or at least let them keep their wealth at the expense of the other nobles she’d take power from.

She has yet to fully deny the pleas of those arrogant nobles. Keeping as many nobles as possible loyal to her, even the nobles who were horrendous people, would be crucial to her winning this war. The only aspect keeping some Adrestian nobles faithful to her was their pride. It has been the desire of many Imperial houses to reunite the entirety of Fódlan as just Adrestia once more for centuries.

After patting down her dress, she starts to walk to the Dining Hall.

**∞**

The Dining Hall wasn’t only used for nourishment.

Outside of serving hours, people with a variety of different personalities would sit down and talk about their hobbies, their favorite snacks, the state of the world, and more. Due to the Dining’s Hall’s ability to accompany multiple soldiers, in credit to the many tables and benches the building possessed, it was a popular area to meet new people.

Hubert never stayed in the Dining Hall longer than needed. He would take his food and eat it by himself. If he and Ferdinand found themselves in the same line, there was high likelihood they would begin arguing. They have been able to hold cordial conversations a few times a month, which was an improvement over when they couldn’t look at each other without debating their philosophies.

If Bernadetta was in the Dining Hall at the same time as Hubert, which was regular whenever Bernadetta returned from the front lines as both only went to the hall when it was serving food, Hubert would walk over to her and express himself in an ominous manner. It usually ended with Bernadetta yelling and running away. When Edelgard queried him about it, he said he was aiding Bernadetta to overcome her fear. She did think her retainer wanted to help her, but she sensed he found levity in her behavior. _I need to tell him to stop being so intentionally… creepy around her._ Above all else, she was glad he was learning to socialize, albeit in abnormal ways. He was starting to attend tea daily to chat with Dorothea and Petra whenever she returned to the monastery. _It seems he bonds more easily with women._

For Constance, the Dining Hall became her favorite place for magic shows. When it wasn’t her shift to defend the monastery, she’d constantly host shows to an engaged audience about new spells she made. None of the spells she broadcasted had applicable use, but it was entertaining to watch. Edelgard had sat down infrequently to watch her demonstrations.

Dorothea, being extroverted, could often be seen at the hall to chat with women. Many of the men would attempt to flirt with her or give her gifts. Some men were more inappropriate with their attempts than others. Dorothea was always polite, but those who knew her well could pinpoint the playful glint in her eyes as an expression she used to disguise the disgust she felt. As a result, Dorothea didn’t talk to the men in the Imperial army much aside from those she befriended at the academy. Petra usually went with Dorothea to the Dining Hall. Most of her soldiers weren’t so audacious to insult Petra’s homeland when the popular songstress was nearby.

Edelgard would forever be impressed by how people from any walk of life could sit down and have a meal with each other. Alas, that sight was not present today. Edelgard has closed the hall since someone stole from their supply two days ago. Only her generals were allowed inside for the time being. She had to assign more people to hunt for meat and gather fruits and vegetables as a result.

Edelgard enters the Dining Hall. The first thing she sees is Caspar attempting to restrain a scrawny kitten. The kitten’s size gave them an advantage, being able to squeeze out the tight grip Caspar had on it.

“Edelgard!” Caspar says when he hears the door open. “Could use a little help here.”

She nods, running over to help secure the kitten. The kitten’s small size is now its detriment, their body not having the strength to escape the fully enclosing grip of two humans. It meows in defeat, settling down when it realized the situation was hopeless. She takes the cat from him, holding it against her stomach.

“What were you doing with this kitten?” She pats the kitten’s head to raise its spirits. It meows in appreciation, snuggling into Edelgard’s body.

“This rascal ate our food.” Caspar’s words are aggressive, but his face is passive. “Hard to be mad at him though when he’s so cute.”

“Hm. Well, that would explain the appearance of the aftermath.” A human wouldn’t eat directly from the storage. Their chance of getting caught in the act would increase the longer they were in the room. Any logical culprit would only take as much food as they could carry in a bag. “The kitten must be malnourished. Their body is unhealthily slim.”

“Well, he probably doesn’t have many places to eat with the war and all.” Caspar walks toward Edelgard to pet the kitten himself.

“True. That’s why we must win this war sooner rather than later.” Edelgard had thought before that the animals were unaffected by the war. After seeing such a gaunt cat, her opinion was altered.

Animals have no say when they are involved with humans. Horses are forced to serve in battles that hold no benefits for them. The same could be said for a wyvern and a pegasus. This kitten previously had supple food for its needs. Now, because of this war, the kitten couldn’t live a carefree life.

 _You started this war,_ the controverted part of her mind reminds her. It took Edelgard months to agree with Hubert’s suggestion to cooperate with Thales’ ilk after and a few months longer to fully believe she was doing the right thing. She planned her war months before attending Garreg Mach as a student and considered multiple other options before determining war to be her only choice.

When she’d confess her insecurities to Hubert, he did not offer emotional support. He would offer rationality; Those Who Slither in the Dark would have murdered Edelgard and impersonated her did she not agree to an alliance. Cooperating with them now would make eliminating them easier later. Thales would have started a war even if Edelgard did not start it herself. _I’m still responsible for the death of thousands._ This would always be an opinion Edelgard held about her own actions, though she was skilled enough at suffocating her emotions to convince herself otherwise.

His logic made sense to her and it temporarily eased her doubts as well as reaffirming her conviction to the path she chose. But logic wasn’t what she needed. She needed the unconditional sympathy of the only person she could always trust throughout her life. _Perhaps he simply cannot provide it,_ she thinks.

 _That can’t be true,_ her thoughts refute. He was sympathetic toward Petra feeling homesick and understanding with Dorothea’s troubles. He did sympathize with Bernadetta in an odd way. He was attempting to understand Ferdinand’s perspective despite his annoyance with the man. _Does he not like me?_

Edelgard quickly shuts that thought down. Hubert was wholly devoted to her. He is determined to play the role of her servant, but he did not serve blindly. _Then_ _—_

“Uh, Edelgard?” Caspar’s voice brings Edelgard back to the present.

“My apologies.” She rubs the animal’s head again too aggressively. The kitten looked discomforted by the action.

“You’re always thinking about stuff.” He remarks.

“Being the Emperor allots no room for idle thoughts.” Her tasks as an Emperor did dominate most matters on her mind. The leftover matters were concerns about her friends. The miniscule room she had left for herself were daydreams and wishes she had. _I suppose that is why they are only daydreams and wishes._ The changes she wanted to make to Fódlan would be a lifetime’s affair. If the aftermath of the experiments on her body did not take her life as soon as she was done reforming, she may be too old to fulfill any of those desires.

One of her desires was to find love. In self-deprecation, she’d tell herself that no one could possibly love her. _The only people who could, my father and my siblings, have all passed away._

For now, she shakes those thoughts away. Right now, she is having a discussion with Caspar, a good friend of hers.

“You say you’re always thinking about your duties. That can’t be all you think about.” He backs away from her, done petting the kitten.

“How do you mean?” Edelgard rubs the kitten’s head more softly, causing them to look elated again.

“You’re always trying to care for your friends, right?” He reasons. “Didn’t you do something about a man being rude to Dorothea?”

“You pay more attention than I give you credit for.” That man told Dorothea she was “easy”, among other insufferable insults she would not repeat. Dorothea told Edelgard that the comments didn’t bother her as they were commonplace in the opera. Edelgard knew it was a lie. Her self-esteem wasn’t high, and the comments buried into the negative opinion she held on herself.

“That’s not a compliment.” He straightens his posture in slight offense at her statement.

She smiles. “Heh. It’s not as though you conduct yourself in a manner that would make one think otherwise.”

“You—” The argument he had quickly settles. “Ugh. You’re right. Can’t deny it.”

“I was not insulting you. My apologies again if I seemed impertinent.” Her smile drops. “Can you elaborate on what you said earlier?”

“What? About you caring for your friends?” He questions.

“Yes.” She nods alongside her response.

“You’d make sure Bernadetta got to class when she wouldn’t leave her room.” Caspar pauses, thinking of more examples. “You’re much more patient with Linhardt nowadays and you’re always patient with Petra. You’ll sit down for Constance’s magic shows. You and Ferdinand butt heads a lot, but you value his opinions. What you did for Dorothea proves all my points.”

“Amplify what I said earlier. You pay much more attention than I thought.” _I’ll have to reconsider my opinion on him._ She previously coined him to be an oblivious boy.

“Didn’t I say that wasn’t a compliment?” He shakes his head and disappointment. “That’s probably nitpicking though.”

“…I have always seen myself as an inadequate friend.” She admits in a low voice.

“Really? That’s nonsense.” Caspar grins, pumping his fist for extra encouragement. “You’re by far the friend that cares the most. You like to check in on the well-being of people close to you.”

“Does that not annoy you or the others?” Her voice is still low, and she stares sideways at the ground.

“Why would anyone be annoyed by someone who cares?” Caspar tilts his head down to try to look at her.

“But…” Edelgard cannot create a rebuttal.

“You know, Edelgard, I think your problem is that you care too much.” He still grins.

“I care too much?” The statement sounds ridiculous enough to Edelgard for her to look up at him. She viewed herself as detached. She noticed many others thought the same.

“You always overcomplicate things in your head. Sometimes, you just need to take things as they are.” His grin widens when the two have eye contact.

Edelgard laughs. “You’re telling me to not overthink?”

“Yup!” He pumps his fist again. “Simple as that.”

_If only my problems could be resolved so easily._

There is truth in his words, simplistic as they may be. “How?”

“You’re good at thinking. When in doubt, reason why your doubt wouldn’t make sense.” He looks to the ceiling, returning to her eyes when thought of something to continue with. “You can also ask for your friend’s opinions. None of them would say you’re a poor friend.”

“Would it not be imprudent to ask for the opinions of friends over a frivolous concern?” She argues.

“Why would it matter? They’re your friends, not your business partners.” He contends, asserting his own opinion. “You don’t gotta be so serious with them. That’s what friends are for.”

 _He has a point._ Now she was forced to consider it, she couldn’t think of a reason Dorothea or Bernadetta would be bothered if she was concerned over something minor. _Neither think of me as the Emperor more than they think of me as their friend. Linhardt has never cared for my position and my position never prevented Constance from being friendly with me._

Edelgard’s status certainly didn’t stop Ferdinand from challenging her, but he was courteous enough to stop if she felt gloomy. The similarity between her position and Petra’s allowed the two to form a bond.

There was Hubert, but their relationship was a separate topic. She dismisses what she dislikes about her friendship with him for now.

“I understand. Thank you, Caspar.” She smiles. “I was not aware you had such a developed opinion on me.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about this stuff lately.” Caspar rubs the back of his head. “I wasn’t confident in my opinion on you until I talked with Linhardt. I mentioned it when he said he had a c—” Caspar’s expression is alarmed, and he stops talking abruptly.

“Go on.” Says Edelgard. Caspar rubs his head more ferociously.

“He said he had a catalyst on you!” He exclaims.

“…How is that sentence cogent?” She questions, both concerned and confused.

“I dunno. Don’t even know what the word means. I probably forgot what he said. I might have a catalyst on you too! Heh, heh…” He trails off, his thought ending awkwardly.

“Hm.” Edelgard puts a hand under her chin, trying to figure out what he meant.

“Where’d the cat go?” Caspar, remembering the kitten suddenly, looks around to see if it was nearby.

“It must have escaped during our conversation.” Edelgard looks to the left and right, the kitten nowhere. _It’s good the kitten didn’t return to our food supply at least._

“I gotta go look for it. Wouldn’t want him stirring up more trouble.” He turns to the door, preparing to leave.

“Please do. I have a meeting to attend.” Edelgard turns to the door as well.

“Well, don’t mind me.” Caspar dashes out the building in haste to catch the kitten.

Edelgard contemplates his advice once more. His and Linhardt’s advice had something in common; both suggested that she should rely on her friends more.

 _Maybe I should,_ she thinks before walking off to her meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to stop uploading at three AM. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. I enjoyed Caspar's support with Ashe, which was where I got the idea of a cat from in this chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

It is the second week of the Ethereal Moon. _Two more months and it’ll be around the time I invaded the Holy Tomb._ That day drastically changed the state Fódlan. The nobles, instead of worrying about status and marriage, worried about allegiances and preparations. Edelgard wasn’t present at the monastery after the last day of the Pegasus Moon to see how other students responded to her course of action, but they must have felt anguished.

Her plan left students of the other two nations and those working for the church in a pitfall; they only had two weeks to create a defense against the Imperial army that had been preparing for months. The noble houses of the Kingdom and Alliance had little time to decide where they would put their allegiance. With this, the armies of the Kingdom and Alliance were inferior to the Imperial army.

Edelgard wondered what made the other students decide their allegiances. As expected, many fought for their homelands, but there were exceptions. Last month, Edelgard was startled by Mercedes travelling to Garreg Mach with a desire to join the Imperial army. Edelgard quizzed the healer’s intentions with hefty mistrust for days and assigned some of her guards to watch her. Ferdinand, who befriended her during their schooling, was not present to convince Edelgard to trust the blonde as he was a general for the Imperial forces attacking the Kingdom. It was Jeritza who persuaded Edelgard to let Mercedes fight with her army. Edelgard knew why he did; he and Mercedes were siblings. Since then, the two were inseparable. Jeritza was assigned to fight on the border of the Kingdom, so that’s where Mercedes went as well. If Jeritza had to return to the monastery, she would return with him.

 _Is Jeritza the only reason that woman joined my army?_ While Mercedes did agree with Edelgard’s ambition, she was conflicted by Edelgard’s methods. Before returning to Garreg Mach, her scouts reported that Mercedes was neutral to the conflict, residing in a home within the Kingdom that was far away from the strife. Concurrently, Mercedes could not agree with what the Church has become, ruled by a furious Rhea who lied about her identity, actually being the Immaculate One. The reveal likely shook her faith.

 _I must be the lesser of two evils to her, then._ Regardless, the primary motive behind Mercedes’ allegiance to the Empire was her love for her brother. This was not an artificial motive; familial love could motivate people to do the impossible.

Bernadetta returned from the Alliance borders momentarily because Edelgard promised her a more skilled battalion. The girl also requested to stay at the monastery for a week to relax before returning to the battle.

The logical, unemotional side of Edelgard wanted to force her back to the front lines. She needed all the power she could if she wanted this war to end faster. Taking out the Alliance would guarantee Adrestia’s victory. Faerghus didn’t have enough men to prevail over the Empire.

But, Edelgard agreed to her request since Bernadetta was her friend. Bernadetta was a surprisingly talented general and deserved to be rewarded. Dorothea praised Edelgard for this judgement. Even Hubert, who was more ruthless than Edelgard, approved of her choice.

_Maybe he approved too much._

Bernadetta has only been two days into her break and she was already being subject to Hubert deliberately acting eerie near her. Her fear of him was lessening. She ran away screaming from him only a few times within the span of two days. Still, it was noticeable that she was jumpy around him.

Coincidentally, Edelgard passes by Bernadetta, who was dashing away on the bridge with terror in her eyes. Not far from that, she can see Hubert chuckling to himself in the middle of the bridge, his hands hanging over the structure. _My intuition was correct. He is doing this intentionally._ This was the first time she saw a sign of Hubert enjoying how frightened she was of him. She knew Hubert found entertainment in terrorizing others with his admittedly ghastly appearance, but his entertainment seemed doubled for the poor girl.

After groaning, she walks over to where he stood. “Hubert.” She stops in front of him.

“Your Majesty, do you require my assistance?” Hubert bows to her, as he regularly does whenever he and Edelgard meet.

“Are you daunting Bernadetta on purpose?” She raises, straight to the point.

“I am helping her overcome her fear.” He replies automatically. He said this every time she asked him about his behavior with the shy girl.

“No, you are not.” She shakes her head. “Just now, you were laughing at her.”

Hubert is silent for a short time before scoffing at her accusation. “Astute observation. I do find some enjoyment in her theatrical reactions.”

“Stop.” She commands.

“She has specifically requested that I continue.” He answers, a light smile on his face.

Edelgard groans again, unsure what to make of her retainer’s words. _He’s socializing, at least._

The two stood together with no words exchanged, taking in the environment beneath them. Both cherished any free time they had in their loaded schedules. The nature under the bridge was among the few areas Edelgard could name that remained mostly untouched by the war. When her obligations as the Emperor were complete, and if she had youth left, she yearned to travel and see more of nature’s untouched beauty.

“I was wrong, Your Majesty.” Hubert breaks the silence, still staring at the land below and beyond where they stood.

“About?” She asks.

“I advised you to not form friendships when we were students and critiqued you when you spent time with them. Please accept my apologies.” Hubert watches an independent pegasus fly to the grass, chewing an apple that laid below.

“There is no need to apologize, Hubert.” The winged animal devours the apple in three bites, moving to a green apple that was a few inches away from it. “You thought you were acting in my best interest. I would never fault you for that.”

“But I acted in your worst interest.” He denies. “You have been more jovial since you trusted your classmates with our goal.”

“You were not entirely at blame. I did not extend any trust to my classmates then, either.” The pegasus is collecting multiple apples, trying to find a way to carry them all. _They must have friends or family they’re caring for._

“Indeed. However, if punishment would redeem my misdemeanor—"

“You are my friend, Hubert. I would not punish you for a mistake.” Her expression becomes stern. “It’s fine. We have both learned from our errors.” An idea comes to her as she watches the pegasus start to lift their wings, some of the apples it was carrying on its back dropping to the ground. “Although, I would accept a form of atonement.”

“Very well.” The pegasus gives up on the fallen apples, flying away without them. “What is it you desire?”

“Your trust.” She states.

“I trust you with my life, Your Majesty.” He claims.

 _He understands me so well, yet he doesn’t understand what I want from him._ “You do not trust me with your emotions or with your dreams.”

“To tell you such immaterial thoughts would be unnecessary.” He moves his hands to his sides. “It would have distracted you from our goal.”

“Yet you say these ‘immaterial’ thoughts to Dorothea, Petra, Bernadetta, and even Ferdinand at times.” She does not hide her accumulated frustration. She speaks fast, harsh, but not loud. He told her something similar when she debated him on this before, but he excused himself before the conversation could develop. “If… if I did not know better, I would think you dislike me.”

“It is because of my favor for you that I do not tell you such things.” His voice is unafflicted by Edelgard’s loss of poise. “Providing a voice of reason ensured you would not stray from the path laid before you. It would be ill-judged to soften you with my vulnerabilities.”

“To hell with that, Hubert. I didn’t want a damned servant. I could talk to anyone else if that was what I wanted.” Her composure is lost completely, clenching her fists. “I’m tired of hearing the same _fucking_ thing every time I want to know more about you. You trust _Ferdinand_ more with your passions.”

Hubert is clearly startled by his superior using profanities. She takes a few seconds to recompose herself. Her anger is replaced with dejection.

“It was necessary. At times, it hardly felt we were friends.” She whispers, feeling tears arising. She represses those tears. “I want a friend, Hubert. Not this thing you insist on being for me.”

Hubert fails to respond, unfamiliar with such unbridled emotions from her. She sighs, dismissing what she said with a wave.

“That was too harsh.” She stares at the land below the bridge again without interest. The calm atmosphere was ruined by her outburst.

“So, that is how you truly feel.” He folds his arms.

“Yes. It is.” She affirms. She and Hubert turn to each other.

“Forgive me, Your Majesty.” Hubert bows. The action arouses more negativity in Edelgard. She couldn’t decide if she felt angered or saddened.

“Your apologies are unneeded.” She speaks slowly, keeping emotions out of her voice.

“…It will be trialing at first. Nonetheless, I will do my best for you.” Hubert looks off to the distance, uncomfortable with sentimental topics.

“Really?” She asks, looking up at him.

“Really.” He affirms. “If that is what you think would be best.”

“That is what I think. Truly.” She tucks a strand of hair that fell out of her buns back in. “We have been friends for years. I would appreciate if you started to treat me as a friend.”

“I will enjoy talking with you. About what I feel inside.” He searches the area for onlookers. There were none, to the thanks of both persons. The drama that’d circulate about Edelgard if anyone saw this scene would be at the consequence of her reputation as calm and collected.

“Your phrasing could use improvement, Hubert.” She smirks lightly, reminded of how he’d talk with Bernadetta. “If you meant what you said, I have one request.”

“Of course.” He looks to her.

“…I would appreciate a hug.” Edelgard blushes, feeling some self-humiliation in uttering that wish aloud.

“I have no talent in… hugging.” Hubert flushes too. Like her, he was unadjusted to physical affection.

“You cannot improve if you do not try.” She says, remembering what Linhardt told her during the Verdant Moon.

Hubert nods. He awkwardly holds out his arms to make room for her. After stuffing some of her pride, she walks towards him and puts her hands on his back. Hubert replicates that gesture.

The tears Edelgard repressed earlier spill out, and she hides her head against Hubert’s chest to prevent him from seeing her face. She was crying because she was happy. She finally had the trust of the only person she trusted since the beginning. _There is no one else I have always trusted. Not even Byleth._

“Thank you.” She mutters, her voice soft. Without any restraint, she smiled and closed her eyes.

Hubert places his head above her own. He smiles with her and closes his own eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uploaded this at 8 PM. The majority of my uploads have been between 12-3 AM. 
> 
> Just one more chapter! I hope this one was wholesome enough. Hubert's support with Bernadetta was very entertaining and I can't help but write about him bullying her.


	10. Chapter 10

_Five years._

Edelgard is alone in the Goddess Tower on the 25th day of the Ethereal Moon, year 1185, counting the number of indents and cracks on the walls. _Much has changed,_ she thinks.

Her jaw and eyes were sharper, her voice has deepened, and all pudginess on her cheeks that existed five years ago was gone. To her disappointment, despite losing features many would consider cute, ‘cute’ was still a comment she was told often.

She looks up to the sky above. On this same day, she discussed her family and romance with Byleth at this tower. She believed Byleth was alive, far-fetched as it sounds, without any doubt. So did her friends. They didn’t lose faith in that over the course of five years. Edelgard just wished she’d return sooner.

“Five years…” Edelgard repeats, saying her thoughts aloud. She allowed her friends to take a momentary break from defending the monastery or fighting on the front lines, if only because today was supposed to be the millennium festival. There wouldn’t be a grand celebration, but they could relax. War is tense, so a day to unwind is fair to them.

 _I suppose that wouldn’t be fair to my other soldiers._ But her other soldiers took breaks more frequently since most are not generals. Jeritza relished in the thrill of battle and did not need a day off. His behavior and past actions concerned Edelgard, but she was not yet selfless to grant him the help he needed. _I will, after the war._ Mercedes rarely took breaks due to her never wanting to be away from her brother’s side. She was a great first-aid medic, but she questioned if the blonde would stay if Jeritza was killed in battle.

_Byleth would be delighted to see her._

“Today should have been millennium festival.” She informs no one in particular. “I wonder, if not for this war, how grand the decorations and festivities would have been.” She pictures it in her mind, all the students of Garreg Mach gathered here to celebrate. The thought is ruined by the likelihood that Those Who Slither in the Dark would have murdered and impersonated her before she could stall her war for that long.

The original date Edelgard agreed with Thales’ kind to invade the Holy Tomb was the day after graduation. They reasoned that the students and faculty would be remiss after a day of celebrating. This plan was hastened by Rhea creating a perfect opportunity to invade the Holy Tomb. Rhea presumed that only those at Garreg Mach would be aware of when she planned to visit the sacred area. Edelgard was not pleased, but she knew moving the date would be more efficient. With only the students to fight back against the Imperial army, Rhea would be in a vulnerable position. If Edelgard’s plan succeeded, Rhea could have died that day.

But, she didn’t. If Rhea had died that day five years ago, the war may have lasted two years at best. Most significantly, the morale of the church soldiers would be murdered. Without the archbishop, the church would be rendered without a leader, unsure what to do. Flayn and Seteth prioritized their self-preservation above all else. Flayn would become depressed, unable to carry on. Seteth, being as overprotective as he is, would take Flayn somewhere safe to never be seen again. Dimitri was too emotional to serve as an Archbishop, if he would have any interest in that role. He would focus his attacks recklessly on the Empire, ultimately leading to his downfall.

The Alliance nobles also valued self-preservation above else and would join the Empire after witnessing the fall of the Kingdom. Claude was a talented strategist, but he couldn’t strategize his way out of an overwhelming number of Imperial soldiers and did not have the trust of enough people to be the Archbishop. Even if he did, she doubted he would take on the role.

Knowing that this war could have been over so easily if she created a better strategy at the Holy Tomb used to frustrate her. She used to wish she assigned the Death Knight to the Holy Tomb or let Those Who Slither in the Dark use torturous magic on her classmates. The only reason she didn’t opt for either of those options was because they’d both kill her classmates. She thought her classmates would despise her after that day. She still wanted them to live nonetheless.

Now, she doesn’t mind that failure. She’s grateful for it. _If I had succeeded, I wouldn’t have my friends by my side._

Hearing the clanking of heels, Edelgard takes Aymr from the ground. She holds it up and uses its light to frighten the incoming intruder in case they are not an ally. “Who’s there?” She demands.

They continue to walk without answering, unstartled by the threat. Edelgard puts on a menacing face and slowly walks forward.

When she hears the heels clatter close behind her, she turns around and swings her axe. When the axe is centimeters from the person’s side, she stops her momentum and drops the axe immediately.

“P… Professor? Byleth? Is it really you?” Her mouth is agape. Her professor looks unfazed by Edelgard almost slicing her in half.

Edelgard looks the woman up and down to be sure. The woman smiles kindly.

“Edelgard, I’m glad you’re well.” Byleth briefly observes her student. “You look different.”

Edelgard blushes for a reason she can’t discern. “Of… of course I look different! It’s been five years!”

“Has it?” Byleth says absentmindedly.

“You look exactly equivalent to the last time I saw you.” Edelgard scans her again. Her outfit is the same, no notable damage taken. Her hair has the same level of messiness that somehow suited her. And, her hair was the same mint green. “Where have you been? I sent fliers down to the valley you fell from and your body was nowhere to be seen.”

“Sleeping.” Byleth answers simply.

“Sleeping?! I… are you joking?” Edelgard’s reactions are more exaggerated than usual. She expected Byleth to come back, she just didn’t imagine it as this. She envisioned Byleth returning through some heavenly event, descending from the sky surrounded by light.

“No?” Byleth looks unsure.

“Forgive me. I’m stunned, that is all.” She breathes in and out, regaining her composure. “It seems you are telling the truth. I suppose this is not the most impossible of things that have happened to you.”

“I don’t remember anything after I fell.” Byleth pouts, apologetic.

“Do not look at me that way. I am not angered.” Her teacher had a very depressing pout. It made it hard to tell her no at times. “You promised to me so many years ago that you would stand by my side no matter how many foes I accumulated. Do… do you still feel the same way? Will you continue on this path with me?”

Byleth nods, no hesitation. “Of course, Edelgard. I believe in you.”

Without thinking, Edelgard hugs her teacher. “I’m quite happy, my teacher. Thank you.” Tears brim at her eyes, but she doesn’t let them fall. _It would not do for me to cry at our reunion._

Byleth returns her hug, patting her head. Edelgard would be angered by the motion usually, it made her feel like a child, but she could make an exception for this one time.

After a few minutes, Edelgard retracts. She smiles at Byleth.

“You’re more affectionate.” Byleth notes. “You’d never would smile like that even when you were happy.”

“I’ve changed over the years.” She admits, still smiling like a doofus. “I’m also happy to tell you that your students are still alive and well. Would you like to see them?” Edelgard asks.

“Yes. I would like to see how they’ve changed.” Byleth nods eagerly.

“I can arrange that. I will gather them for a surprise.” _Still a teacher at heart,_ Edelgard thinks. “I have something to tell you before you meet with them.”

“I’m always willing to listen.” She avows.

“Do you remember the advice you gave me after the mock battle?” She asks.

Byleth ponders the question before shaking her head.

“You criticized me, and Hubert, for not trusting our allies’ abilities.” Edelgard reminds her teacher.

Byleth hums. “I was surprised we won.”

“Heh, as was I. We were a chaotic class. But that is not the topic at the moment.” Edelgard looks Byleth in the eyes. “My previous instructors claimed that my arrogance was to blame for my lacking coordination with allies. You were to first to realize that I failed to cooperate with my allies because I did not trust them.”

“I didn’t put much thought into it.” Byleth denies, modest.

“Your eyes are more discerning than you give yourself credit for, my teacher.” She shakes her head. “It was my prominent flaw when I fought with my class throughout the year. You remember, yes?”

“I made you an adjutant sometimes for that reason.” Her expression becomes sad, empathetic. “I worried that you wouldn’t make friends.”

“I complained to myself when you did that, but it was for the better.” Edelgard waits for Byleth’s expression to revert to neutrality before talking again. “…I think I’ve finally followed that advice.”

“What do you mean?” From the minimal difference her expressions had, Edelgard knew she was confused due to the way her eyes marginally lowered.

“I have told you before that I feared my classmates would harm me if I gave them any trust. You know well that my past is one of manipulation and betrayal. I assumed the same things would result if I let them know who I really was, without my mask.” Edelgard waits and lets Byleth process what she said. Her teacher looks momentarily perplexed by what Edelgard meant by “mask”, but quickly recalls it was the figurative she used to describe herself.

“You never fully listened when I told you to trust them.” Byleth adds. “Were you lonely over the years?”

“No. Your disappearance allowed me to trust them. I had to create a new support system after you left unforeseen.” Edelgard explains. “It would have been unjust to be dishonest with them when they have been trusting with me.”

“I see.” Byleth smiles again. “I’m happy for you.”

“As am I.” Edelgard smiles too. “I did not have faith in my allies when I was a student… because I did not have faith in myself. I embellished in the faith I had in you. When you fell that day five years ago, I feared I lost that faith forever. I believed you would return to me, my teacher, but I did not know how I would cope without you.” She clasps her hands together as if she was praying. “I’ve begun to trust my classmates gradually over the years. And now, I do trust them. They are like family to me.”

“Family…” Byleth repeats that word. “I’m proud of you. You’ve grown so much over the years.”

Edelgard looks at her teacher’s expression. It was still as difficult to read as it was five years ago. But there was a twinge of hurt to it.

“I still need you, Professor.” Edelgard reassures, taking Byleth’s left hand and grasping it with both of her gloved hands. “As my tactician and my confidante. Without you, I would have never given my friends leverage, and the progress I’ve made with trusting others would be none at all. Please never forget that.”

Byleth places her right hand on top of Edelgard’s. She doesn’t need to say anything. All that needed to be said was portrayed with her eyes.

“Your students still need you, too. You are irreplaceable. No amount of time would make that truth fade away.” Edelgard removes her hands, standing a suitable distance away from her teacher. “I have invited someone new into our ranks while you were gone. She is overbearing, but you will like her.” _Byleth is too nice to dislike anyone,_ Edelgard thinks. Byleth’s surprisingly soft and caring nature made her popular with the students. _Including Sylvain, unfortunately._

“I look forward to meeting her.” Byleth nods, always content with meeting new people.

“That is enough sentimentality from me for today, my teacher. Shall we reunite you with all your students?” Edelgard begins to feel humiliated internally. Talking about her emotions came more naturally than it did five years ago, but it still left her feeling embarrassed. Edelgard didn’t dislike this. She now knew her embarrassment with sentimental topics was not her mask, but simply who she was as a human being. She was starting to understand herself more over the years with the help of her friends, and that made her happy.

“Yes. I’m glad they’re all alive and well.” Even Byleth’s natural blank face cannot suppress her elation at being able to see her students again. “But I would like to remain here for a little longer. Just the two of us.”

Edelgard agrees. “Of course, Professor.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The coronavirus somewhat reignited my liking for my creative writing that I have not felt since elementary school. I suppose I got something out of this pandemic. Thanks COVID, I guess. Now I just need creativity. I wrote myself into liking three more pairings for Edelgard that have almost no content so whoops. 
> 
> I had the most difficulty creating a prompt for Caspar. Constance's section went the most off the outline I made for her. Completely off. They weren't supposed to share a room at all. Everyone else stayed faithful to the outline I made for them, although Dorothea went a little off. That section wasn't going to discuss heirs. But I started to think about what Edelgard said in her support with Hannemann about wanting a world with no crests and post-war complications and started writing. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the dynamics I wrote. Also, ending this with over 50 kudos does feel good so thanks for that as well.


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